Splitsider

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Competition Changes People

A Hot Air Balloon Captain Addresses His Crew On the Eve of a Very Important Hot Air Balloon Race: "Point is, this ain't hot air balloon racing like they taught you in kindergarten. This is the kind of blood-drinking, eye-gouging, no-holds-barred balloon racing that motherfuckers have nightmares about. We WILL be sabotaging balloons on the ground, we WILL be sniping at rival teams with rifles in the air, and we WILL be crossing that finish line first tomorrow. You see this necklace of ears that I'm wearing? Do you think I got it by following the International Balloon Association's Sportsmanship Guidelines? Guess again, dicklips."