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Thursday, November 18th, 2010

A Message from a TSA Full-Body Scanner

Today on McSweeney's, A Message from a TSA Full-Body Scanner: "For nearly a decade, lightly-trained TSA employees have been forced to estimate—to guess, really—your penis size, based on such factors as height, weight, walking style, and disposition. Frankly, that's asking them to do the impossible. It gratifies me to think that millions of travelers will now be able to fly just a little bit easier, secure in the knowledge of their newly complete and accurate TSA profiles—all thanks to my precise genital scans. Length, girth, heft, and any major identifying characteristics. Everything but the color; this is America, and we don't do that here."