Patton Oswalt Crab Walks Into Catastrophe for 5-Second Films

Patton Oswalt’s Crabwalkin’ video for 5-Second Films is so cute/violent, I’m going to go ahead and gloss over the fact that he is clearly not crab-walking, at least in society’s mutually-agreed upon definition. As for the ill-fated meeting between his junk and a forcefully kicking leg, 5-Second Films explains, “Thus began a feud between two powerful families of pure hearts and proud walks, a feud as inevitable as the setting of the sun and the icing of the balls.” So, basically Romeo and Juliet, except the complete opposite and with more testicular hematoma.

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