Not that we’re exactly hurting for decent podcasts at this point, but if comedians are going to keep launching them all the time, well, we have a few requests. Being that this is a democracy and all, these suggestions should be considered with utmost sincerity. If you agree that these very reasonable requests should be honored, make your voice heard by bombarding the would-be hosts with tweets and emails until they relent and give us the free entertainment we so always deserve. If any of these podcasts do come to be, though, we expect 12% of the $0.00 they’ll earn monthly.
Your Host: Mike Birbiglia
The Show: “My Secret Public Podcast”
A natural born storyteller, Mike Bibiglia has a way with a long yarn that stands in sharp relief against other comics of his generation. Before he created the one-man shows Sleepwalk With Me and My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend, Birbigs used to contribute a feature called My Secret Public Journal to the nationally syndicated radio show, “The Bob and Tom Show”. His retelling of events from the past week as journal entries always made for entertaining stories, and perhaps it’s time the piece was revived in podcast-form. Each guest would have to keep a journal for the week leading up to the show too, for symmetry’s sake.
Your hosts: Gabe Delahaye, Max Silvestri, Rich Juzwiak
The show: “Gabe and Max and Rich Like Food”
Gabe and Max obviously like the internet, and Silvestri is also part of a 2 Man Chain Gang with writer Rich Juzwiak for Eater.com, where they explore the value of chain restaurants. On Gabe and Max and Rich Like Food, the trio would try out new recipes from Guy Fieri’s cookbook each week with the catch being that they are forbidden from making any jokes at Guy Fieri’s expense.
Your Host: Kyle Kinane
The Show: “Curmudgeoned to Death”
Marc Maron on nymag.com described Kyle as “a seamless raconteur with a genuine voice of the ageless, cranky poet.” This show would be pretty low concept, just a microphone and a story. Twice a month for 15 to 30 minutes, just Kyle complaining about Southwestern radio or praising Bennigan’s dinner rolls.
Your Hosts: Noah Garfinkel & Sarah Walker
The Show: “Drunk Girl, High Guy”
Based on the hilarious blog series of the same name, Drunk Girl, High Guy is as simple as its title suggests. Noah gets high, Sarah gets wasted, and the two of them go off and have mild adventures in New York City. Each week (health permitting), they would set out to a new opening, show, or movie, and do the kind of cultural reporting the world needs right now. Occasional guests would join in, pending appropriate chemical ingestion.
Your Host: Hannibal Burress
The Show: “Rips Rap and Hip Hops”
Of all the comedians on the brink, Hannibal might be the brinkiest and rightfully so. Writing for 30 Rock doesn’t give a man tons of time to cast pods so we’re thinking something really short. If you’ve ever seen Hannibal’s weekly show in Brooklyn, you’d be familiar with the segment in which he plays a couple rap songs and makes fun of them. This would be exactly like that.
Your hosts: Andrea Rosen and John Gemberling
The show: “Marriage Counseling.”
Would it be a stretch to call John and Andrea one of the premier comedy couples working in today? Not if you’ve seen her one-woman show Ding Dong Meow or his Winnie the Whiny Baby character. (Both have also had memorable roles in movies and TV series.) On this podcast, Andrea & John would interview other comics about their relationships and give suggestions on how to never get dumped for being a jerk.
Your host: James Adomian
The show: “The Adomian Variations.”
The Comedy Bang Bang podcast is known for having characters interrupt the interviews on just about every episode and go off in crazy new directions. Although some gifted comics on the show have whole arsenals of characters in tow (Paul F. Tompkins and Nick Kroll especially), James Adomian does uncanny impressions of everyone from Jesse Ventura to Paul Giamatti. (Seriously, if you haven’t heard Adomian’s Giamatti, do it right now.) On each episode of The Adomian Variations, the host would interview comedians while impersonating someone new each week. (And maybe himself once in a while.)
Your Hosts: Gabe Liedman & Jenny Slate
The Show: “Bestie x Bestie x Podcast”
Have you seen these videos? Oh, you have? Then it’s probably pretty obvious why this podcast needs to happen. No need for an interview, “BxBxP” could mirror the format of the video shorts, which find the two comedians and longtime friends chatting about anything that strikes their respective fancies. Hell, I could listen to them ordering at a diner for 30 minutes a week.
Your hosts: Megan Amram & Kate Riley
The show: “Madame Psychosis.”
A lot of people make jokes on Twitter. Some days that seems to be the whole reason it exists. Only a scarce few are capable of the kind of twisted hilarity that Megan Amram (@meganamram) and Kate Riley (@bubblebathos) can. Based on a video that emerged on Megan’s tumblr, mocking old school phone sex ads, the two have already worked well together. On each new Madame Psychosis, the hosts take listeners on a scary/funny psychosexual journey.
Your Host: Gil Ozeri
The Show: “Frank Calls”
Comedian, improviser, and writer Gil Ozeri is also famous for his phone sex pranks, in which he calls actual phone sex hotlines, turning them into comedy gold factories. On the Frank Calls podcast, he would bring fellow comics and instead of making just phone sex pranks, they would open it up to pranks about anything. “But, The Jerky Boys!” you might say. “Shut up,” is what we might say in return.
Your Hosts: Michael Delaney and Andrew Secunda
The Show: “Nailed Down”
Nailed Down is a show Michael and Andrew already perform, in which the two stand in shoes nailed to the stage and improvise a scene without leaving that spot. The scene and its universe are built entirely around their conversation, making it a perfect fit for audio. Michael and Andrew are two of the best improvisers on the planet, making them ideal candidates to help fill the podcast world’s relative improv void.
Your Host: Joe Mande
The Show: “Puppy Time”
If you listen to the WTF podcast, you know Marc Maron had nothing but kind words for Joe Mande, who has been proving himself as a great comic. Another thing you might not know, however, is the man also loves dogs. Here is where his website links to his father’s dog training company website. Pairing his caustic wit with doggies would certainly make for some kind of listen. Each week he and another comedian talk all things puppies and it will be amazing.
Your Host: Maria Bamford
The Show: “Maria Bamford as Told by Maria Bamford”
Maria is brilliant in a way that is distinctly her own. So much so, in fact, that she is perhaps the only one qualified to interview Maria Bamford. It’s hard to predict what this show will grow into but it would probably be somewhere between the Pod F. Tomkast and the intros of WTF.
Your Host: Reggie Watts
The Show: “Reggie Watts Makes Noise”
Maybe the simplest of all of these; Reggie Watts sits down with all his equipment and makes up one his Wattsisms. Maybe he can request a word or theme to riff on, but mostly it will be whatever sounds decide to come out of his face.
Your Host: Jon Daly
The Show: “Jon Daly’s Daily Poetry Corner”
What do Sappity Tappity and Bill Cosby-Bukowski—two of Jon Daly’s most ridiculous characters—have in common? As the show title suggests, they both have a love for the written word. What could be better than a daily Jell-oems or exceedingly racist and filthy limericks to go to wake up to?
Your Hosts: Julieanne Smolinski and Rob Delaney
The Show: “Twitter Thunder Dome”
Julieanne and Rob are two comic voices that can be read all the time in long-form, or on Twitter where they are both phenomenally popular. Each week on Twitter Thunder Dome the two would welcome two guest Twitterer and rate their skills in the categories of Current Events, Random Jokes, Daily Occurrences, and Fake Quotes. Two tweeters enter, one leaves. In addition to being pretty funny, this might be an interesting look inside the joke writing process.
Your Hosts: Birthday Boys
The Show: “The Birthday Boys Podcast”
There aren’t enough sketch podcasts—hell, there are barely any. It’s a shame because the medium gives the sketch an opportunity to write with out any bounds; the same performer could be FDR and a talking dilophosaurus in the same scene. The Birthday Boys are one of the funniest active sketch groups out there, and the idea of them writing without rules sound dangerously good.
Your Host: Jen Kirkman
The Show: “The Southie Show”
Jen is a frequent podcast guest in general, and a permanent guest on the Pod F. Tomkast (where she is affectionately known as “Southie”, for her Good Will Hunting-esque upbringing.) It’s about time she struck out on her own and created a show that would honor her voice as a comedian. Maybe, in a goose-gander maneuver, she’ll include a regular phone chat with Paul F. Tompkins.
Your Hosts: Chelsea Peretti & Harris Wittels
The Show: “1.5 Jewish Comedians Guide to Dating”
Chelsea earned her love-cast bona fides on her web series, interviewing pretend exes like Jonathan Winters and a polyamorous couple played by Amy Poehler and Fred Armisen. And Harris would be a perfect foil, since in podcast circles Harris has developed a reputation for showing his penis being the alt-comedy Wilt Chamberlain (for evidence listen to his appearance on Morning After Podcast…, in which the pornstar basically throws herself at him). They also have worked together first as staff writers for the Sarah Silverman Program and now Parks & Recreation, so they will have the necessary chemistry to make this show exciting.
Birthday Boys photo credit: Mandee Johnson
Jesse Fox is a freelance writer, podcaster, cat person, and Jew (in that order). He lives in Brooklyn. His iPod is broken.
Joe Berkowitz edits books and writes stuff. He also has a Tumblr.