Chris Kattan Surfs the Net, Has a Car, Sometimes Remembers His Dreams

We all know how important it’s become for comedians to connect with their audience via Facebook and Twitter and blogs and the AST message board and all of that. Nearly every one of my comedy nerd friends and I boast at least a few direct brushes with comedy greatness (Andy Kindler once retweeted me, Hannibal Buress direct messaged me once — I’m a pretty big deal).

Former SNL‘er Chris Kattan, however, may be taking fan connection attempts to a bit of an extreme with the wealth of information he shares on his personal website. Either that or he’s completely mocking the idea of celebrity oversharing. I have no idea which it is.

In addition to the typical career credits, photos and promotional bits (The Middle: The Complete Second Season now available for DVD pre-order!), the site features a flood of biographical info that seems, for the most part, too earnest to be a spoof.

In the “Timeline: Birth through school” section, we learn the following:

  • Parents divorced when he was two
  • Preschool… Montclaire

In the “General: Physical and family info” area we find out that his stepfather is a psychotherapist and marriage counselor.

The “Lots to know” section, as promised, delivers just that. Among the revelations:

  • Started shaving in his teens
  • Trick-or-treated as a kid
  • He once broke a window in his stepfather’s van and said some kids on bikes did it. When confronted about it, he confessed.
  • No pets besides his Dalmatian, Lola
  • His dog’s name is actually ‘Lolita’, but he calls her ‘Lola’ because it’s easier to say.
  • Surfs the net
  • Likes hot and cold weather the same
  • Has a car
  • Sometimes remembers his dreams
  • Drinks bottled water

And then, of course, there is the Favorites section:

  • Type of music… Rock, but all kinds
  • Type of movies… All kinds
  • Shoes… Nike shoes

All of that is followed a plethora of more Kattan FAQs and almost 100 additional questions posed by fans (Including this charmingly-odd one: “I can imagine you as a kid being in parades, have you been in any?”)

For those not totally satiated by that wave of information, the site also features a Members Area that delivers more exclusive content and the possibility of winning a phone call from Chris himself. Don’t believe it could happen, just check out the personal stories of people that have themselves won one of these very conversations.

I’ve read through Kattan’s website a number of times now and I am still perplexed by it. I’m not sure if it is meant to be serious or funny. What seems most likely is the possibility that he hired someone to build him a site and that person didn’t have enough discretion to decide that his fans, love him though they might, probably don’t need to know that “Insects don’t bother him” or that he “Has never had a mustache or goatee.”

But now we do know, and you know what? I think we’re all a little better for it.

Colin Perkins is an author and comedian who has written for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, CollegeHumor, Cracked and Mental Floss.

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