Questions We Did Not Ask John Lithgow Last Night
Last night, Alex Scordelis (pictured, left) and myself, Julie Klausner (photoshopped into the photo at left), went to see John Lithgow read at Barnes & Noble from his new memoir, DRAMA: An Actor’s Education. Please click here to order it, or just to look at the cover, because he looks really funny on the cover.
After Mr. Lithgow read a chapter about his experiences on the Broadway stage in the 1970s, he accepted questions from the (sparse yet mutant-rich) audience. What follows is a list of questions we wanted to ask, but did not.
Is your favorite vocal warm-up making a motorboat sound with your lips? If not, why isn’t it?
You and Steve Martin both play the banjo. Do you think he’s smarter than you? Do you think *HE* thinks he’s smarter than you? Talk about that, please.
In what season of 3rd Rock from the Sun did you realize Joseph Gordon-Leavitt wasn’t a girl?
Can you please sing the song “I Got Two Dogs”?
When you were auditioning for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, did you list Harry and the Hendersons first and in boldface on your CV? Just to get the point across that you have acting-with-primates experience?
Who do you think would be crazier in the sack: Ethel Barrymore or Captain Crunch?
You were excellent in Cliffhanger. What is your method for acting in action movies? (Follow-up: To prepare for the role, did you hang from cliffs?)
Did you do vocal warmups in the mirror to prepare for your role as the Trinity Killer on Dexter? Did you say “Cunt, cunt, cunt. A quarter cup of cunts. The cunt of the Countess recuperates continuiously.” Because you said “cunt” a lot on that show.
Do you ever say “cunt” by mistake in other roles? Such as in Shrek the Third?
Name one performance of yours where the director said, “Lithgow, you’re being way too subtle. Dial it up a notch or two.”
Before you wrote your memoir, Drama, you wrote the children’s book I’m a Manatee. Do you really think you are a manatee? Or is that not what that book is about? I didn’t read it.
If you were going to cast a production of The Mikado only with weasels, could you get me a free ticket?
Because Seinfeld and Friends were on NBC’s Must-See-TV Thursday line-up, and 3rd Rock was on Tuesday, did you try to have NBC call that night Lithgowmania? Why not?
You starred in the Broadway debut of M. Butterfly. Can you settle an argument between me and my friend? He thinks the “M” stands for Macho and I think it stands for Mondo. Which one of us is correct?