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Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

Steve Martin Has Some Oscar Hosting Advice For Eddie Murphy

In honor of Eddie Murphy's Oscar hosting gig this coming spring, Steve Martin has penned "An Open Letter to Eddie Murphy," a letter filled to the brim with helpful hints based on his turn as host in 2001, 2003 and 2010. Regrets? Steve Martin has a few. Then again, they all seem to be Alec Baldwin related.

Hi Eddie,

I heard you're hosting this year's Oscars. First of all, CONGRATS. Even though you didn't ask for my advice and specifically said, "please, no advice," here are a few tips!

Whatever you do, don't have a co-host. They're a big pain and they just end up breaking your SNL hosting record.

Start slimming down now. You looked kinda paunchy in NORBIT.

People always say it's a disgrace that neither you nor I have ever won an Oscar, but they're just being correct. The losers can feel very sad, so when you're backstage with them, pat their backs, then shake your head sadly. It's a blast!

Fortunately, you and I can get away with smuggling out an Oscar in our pants.

Remember to relax and have a good time while 12,000 liveboggers rip you to shreds.

The accountants that certify the voting? Same chad counters from Florida.

If you feel the show is running love, you're probably thinking of 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, or any of the shows in the '90s.

If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him.

Eddie, since you and I are old friends, and I sincerely thought you deserved an Oscar nomination for BOWFINGER, the movie we did together that stands alone in comedy history, from which we got no credit or acknowledgment except large paychecks and drivers and any type of food we wanted delivered to us every day in our really nice trailers. I wish you all the best on your Oscar hosting gig.

Steve Martin

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