It’s Always Sunny Recap: “The Anti-Social Network”

In last night’s It’s Always Sunny ep, it was the gang vs. The Internet. Or more specifically, social media. Explains Mac, “The whole world is connected. It’s connected by Bill Gates, and that Rain Man Zuckerberg. He and his Jews have connected the whole world and now they’re toppling regimes, and Egypt, and Japan, and the Jews are all…peacefully together.” So it only makes sense that once the group decides to promote Paddy’s with a “virus video,” they end up devoting all their time to hunting down the hipster douchebag who shushed them at the underground gin joint that inspired their social media fever in the first place. Time to pop a shush on this guy!

I have to say, this is my preferred kind of It’s Always Sunny ep. I want a variety of interwoven story lines that may or may not pay off. I want to be introduced to a host of bizarre characters who might never turn up again, or who turn out to be reoccurring oddballs. And above all, I want there to be a mission at which the gang will almost certainly never succeed. Dennis and Charlie are the first two to begin the hunt for the above-mentioned douchebag, who Dee and Mac soon discover is named Dylan Toback. Dennis and Charlie return to the scene of the crime, miffed that anyone would shush a group of adults. What if they had been a pack of blood-hungry sociopaths? Does this man have no sense? “For all this guy knows, I’m a psychopath with a trunk full of chainsaws!” Charlie gripes. “It’s very upsetting to me that he didn’t consider that.” After running up against a particularly unsympathetic bartender, Dennis and Charlie decide to do what anyone would do to get a picture of someone they’ve seen only once: falsely report a rape to obtain a police sketch of their mystery shusher. The guys’ description of the assault to a disbelieving detective was the stand-out scene of the episode; no matter how insane Charlie’s claims got, Dennis reluctantly had to yes, and. “He kind of really made soup of your insides,” Charlie reminds him, explaining to the cops, “He bit his dick.” Admits Dennis, “He did get inside me, but he was so small I didn’t really feel anything.” The police aren’t having it, so the guys have to turn to the second best option: park caricaturist. “He wasn’t in a dunebuggy and he didn’t have a propeller, but you nailed the shushing,” they marvel at the portrait.

Meanwhile Dee and Mac try to track Dylan down via the web. After finding out that he is currently “shopping for a silk sash at Tootie’s” from his Facebook page, they rush to the shop, accidentally accosting an androgynous woman before running into Dylan’s ex Sally. Turns out, Sally has set up a fake profile for Dylan…who she has never met…only sent him sexy photos and hair. “You send your hair to a guy; you give that guy a sense of you, and your smells,” Dee sympathizes. After getting Dylan’s address from Crazy Sally, Dee and Mac discover that Dylan Toback is a person created by an elderly African-American woman named Catfish, who fabricates Facebook profiles to cope with her husband’s debilitating illness. “Don’t disturb Jerry!,” she warns them. The look of total horror and disgust on Mac and Dee’s face could not be more priceless, at least until Catfish offers to return Dee’s hair as well. “You’re Carl Underguard?” Dee groans. Aw, you’ll find that perfect fake old lady internet boyfriend someday, girl.

Reunited at Paddy’s, the gang admits their failure (“Dee banged a fat old black lady and sent her her hair,” Mac says by way of explanation), as well as the fact that everyone on the Internet is a liar. Meanwhile Frank, or should I say Dr. Mantis Toboggan, cut together a viral video, which in addition to being awesome, explicitly says it’s a computer virus. Luckily hipster douchbags love viruses, as well as donkeyshows, Motley Crue and cake, and the episode closes on Dylan Toback arriving with his friends to check out a now-cool Paddy’s. “Charlie, lock the door,” Dennis whispers gleefully. No matter how terrifying the internet can be, there is nothing scarier than Dennis with a fistful of hammers. And a trunk full of duct tape. And zip ties.

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