Better Tape Nick Offerman & Chris Pratt’s Apocalypse Guide to Your Bunker Wall Now

Parks & Rec’s Nick Offerman and Chris Pratt have written a guide to surviving the 2012 Mayan apocalypse, and it’s full of whiskey and bears and woodworking. In other words, it’s exactly like Nick Offerman’s regular life.

3. Assemble a posse of hooligan underlings, choosing a mix of muscular physiques and corpulent ones. Harvest fat from the chubbies and cook the muscular folks in it. When the fatties run out of cellulite to harvest, they are now prime, lean cooking specimens. Obviously you’ll need to be fattening up new “team members” as you go, perpetuating the savory cycle.

Obedient, chubby team members? Finally Jerry will be useful for something around the Parks department.

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