Happy Endings Recap: “Four Weddings and a Funeral (Minus Three Weddings and a Funeral)”

Another season finale, another wedding, another chance for Penny to wallow in her chronic loneliness, then at the last minute find hope and redemption. Only this time, there’s a Skype table! It’s Derek and Erik’s wedding (“Their Brangelina name is Derek…or Erik,” gasps Alex) and their ostentatious, confetti-covered, gladiator-themed love inevitably stirs up issues for everyone. “And that was just the Save The Date!,” Penny marvels. And to think, just last season Derek was posing as Penny’s sham date at Shershow’s nuptials. Dra. Ma.

Speaking of which, despite Derek’s insistence that Max save the drama for Wilmer Valerramma or Michelle Obama, Max is reluctant to perform at the reception with Mandonna, one of the top three Chicago-based all-male Madonna cover bands and Max’s old group. They might rank right up there with Madonald and Material Earl, but Max is feeling too bloated and old to return to his frontman ways. The vein in Jane’s forehead also gets a real workout after Derek drops the bomb that she is the only friend not in the wedding party. ”I already had a 5’8”,” he explains. “The World’s Most Dangerous Jane,” Alex whispers, observing her sister’s eye twitch. How Wilmer Valderamma deals with this much drama is beyond me.

Meanwhile, Brad discovers to his horror that the asides being whispered to him by boss Mr. Forristal aren’t just in-jokes, they are literal warnings about the closing of Brad’s department. Oh, and about the likelihood that his perpetually-grinning coworker Berger will gun down everyone in a workplace rage. “He really would kill all of us!,” Brad laughs. The quiet, happy coo that comes out of Berger’s mouth was, for some reason, one of my two favorite moments in the episode. Just thinking about the homicidal fury welling up behind that smile tickled me pink, I guess. My second favorite was Penny screaming “Blah!” as she initiated “doing a silly one” during the wedding photos. No one else obliged her.

Terrified of the unknown, Brad decides to keep his unemployment a secret from Jane until he figures out the next step in fulfilling his life-long dream: bank a $100 million and then become the first black sheriff on Mars. Or Arizona. Whichever comes first. Fortunately Jane was able to return to full glory after Erik’s hag Jan came down with food poisoning, earning Jane a pee-yellow tuxedo and the role of conspirator in helping Erik secretly cut down the cost of the reception. “Does this look like brie?,” she says gleefully, holding a plate to Brad’s face. “’Cause it’s a napkin.” Eventually Brad confesses that he lost his job, and after a brief fit of rage, Jane has his back. Their fictional marriage gives me hope for the actual institution of marriage.

Derek eventually corrals Penny into supervising the Skype table, which is a thankless job until she starts eFlirting with Brian Austin Green, a friend of the groom who broke his leg ski-boxing. “It’s a sport invented by energy drinks,” he explains. Despite their obvious chemistry, Penny and Dave later have what she interprets to be a meaningful glance and Penny loses her damn mind. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you ask me and my complete intolerance for a Dave/Penny story line), Dave and Alex seem to be canoodling when Penny stops by to get Alex’s blessing to pursue the man she left at the altar. Reading the situation incorrectly (or I guess, correctly) Penny laughs off her reason for stopping by Alex’s room. “Was it that the concierge looked like an Indian Martin Lawrence?” Alex ponders. Sure it was, Alex. Sure it was.

Luckily with some emotional support from Alex and some wardrobe assistance from Penny (“Penny! One of them went up into my body,” Max howls as she helps jam himself into his pants), Mandonna finally takes the stage. While I was somewhat disappointed by Adam Pally’s plain t-shirt and skin-tight pants combo (we couldn’t even see him cram on a lace glove?), I couldn’t think of a better way to finish off a superior season. Even the way Dave and Alex slyly held hands during “Like A Prayer” was cute, considering the fact that I am one thousand times more okay with their romantic storyline then with a possible Dave/Penny connection. Besides, if Penny and Dave ever did hook up? Michelle Obama would have to get another phone line to handle all that drama.

Max’s website is thingsthataregay.biz “I tried to get .gov,” he explains. “But it was taken.”

Max: “I will always love Sean Penn, matter how creepy and thin his mustache gets.”

Penny, about her breakup: “I said his sister had sloppy yabos. Why do I always go to slop yobs?”

Alex: “I know something that fits like a glove.”
Max: “I hope it’s not a glove, because my hands are hella swole. I’ve been eating cured meats!”

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