Splitsider

Friday, May 18th, 2012

Follow Friday: @FranGillespie

Everybody is a comedian on Twitter, but only a select few are worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual who consistently makes us laugh. You're welcome.

(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets.)

Fran Gillespie has been performing at the UCB Theatre since 2004, and dropping funny bombs on Twitter since 2011. Unfortunately most of the world isn't familiar with Gillespie yet, because she's being typecast as "girl who doesn't get the part."

Fran recognizes the potential transformative power that sports can have.

Hoping this Jets win brings me closer to my father!
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Gillespie calls out her selfish brother when necessary.

My image is fading in all photographs. Dammit, my brother went back in time and is flirting with our mom.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

She notices disturbing trends.

Since the recession, I feel like the number of people that think they are all that and a bag of chips has gone down.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Fran's phone cuts through the crap.

Just texted "I love you" and my phone autocorrected to, "I'm scared to die alone".
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Gillespie can be picky.

If I could have dinner with one person, living or dead, I would want them to be living.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

But she can make lemonade from really depressing lemons.

Joke is on you blind date no-show, ESPN Zone was amazing.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

New drinking game: take a shot every time someone tells me I have a drinking problem.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Fran figured out why Jeff and Stan Van Gundy always look the way they do.

Anybody else get the feeling the Van Gundy Brothers are always misplacing their keys?
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

The folks at Starbucks have a special nickname for her.



It wouldn't be a Follow Friday if there wasn't a tweet that savagely describes Twitter in a nutshell.


Gillespie knows her biology.

You haven't lived until you've passed through a birth canal.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

She spelled out the unfair economic disparity in the United States better that Occupy Wall Street ever could.

Two of my meals today were swiss cheese slices, but the dude who wrote "Spoonman" probably has a house with a pool.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Fran knows what your patch of grass needs to be considered a park.

I can't really count it as a park unless a shirtless older man is practicing Tai Chi.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

You get four goats if you marry her.

Do people know that if they marry me they also get four goats?
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

But it might be too late.

Man's hand grazed my breast while food shopping at Walgreens, now we must marry.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

She's an expert on Billy Bush.

If I had to wager a guess, I'd say Billy Bush was trying on khakis right now.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

Fran has good vision. To a fault.

Look closer during the Friends theme song and you can see a midget hanging himself behind the fountain they dance in.
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

What's it called when you always see the dude who owns The Men's Warehouse out of the corner of your eye?
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie

She has an epitaph prepared.


Roger Cormier had his name legally changed from Human Garbage.

  • Getupstandup

    How about spotlighting funny people on Twitter who aren't "industry" people? People like @donni, @yoyoha, @IGotsSmarts, @clarkekant, etc.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AngelaBlanken AngieBlanken

    Love Fran's tweets. Good choice.