Splitsider

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012
Man

Report from the Frontlines of Nick Offerman's College Tour

Nick Offerman just loves playing with the Ron Swanson iconography projected upon him; though, if you could be seen as badass as the Son of Swans, you undoubtedly would too. He just finished a college tour, which involved storytelling, song singing, and free bacon providing (exclamation point!). Uproxx had someone infiltrate and she reports back on the man's masculine majesty and 10 life lessons. Lessons are below but before you read them, maybe consider eating meat outside, in a canoe, as a hobby.

 

1) Engage in romantic love. (Note: This is one area I prefer Offerman to Swanson. The man acts like first crush teenager, when he talks about his wife, Megan Mullally.)
2) Say please and thank you.
3) Carry a handkerchief.
4) Eat red meat.
5) Get a hobby.
6) Go outside. Remain.
7) Avoid the mirror.
8) Maintain a relationship with Jesus Christ…if it’s getting you sex.
9) Use intoxicants.
10) Paddle your own canoe.

Sponsored Content