Splitsider

Friday, June 1st, 2012

Follow Friday: @MeganAmram

Everybody is a comedian on Twitter, but only a select few are worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual who consistently makes us laugh. You're welcome.

(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets.)

Odds are that you already are familiar with Megan Amram's twitter account. From around June of 2010 through now Amram has amassed over 228,000 twitter followers just by being funny, which led to a gig writing on the Oscars and being the subject of interviews on Last Call with Carson Daly and this very website. But it isn't very often that someone is hired to join the writing staff of one of the best comedies on television. To celebrate Amram's next phase of her career — writing for Parks and Recreation, let's get to know her a little better.

Megan Amram is a positive person.

I'm having an amazing day!! I feel like I got assigned to the front of a human centipede!!
@meganamram
Megan Amram

She's curious about other cultures.

I wonder if #YOLO trends in India
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan will make you think twice about using your cell phone.

SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Amram is aware of her physical assets and weaknesses.

The sexiest part about me is my vagina. The least sexy part about me is my other vagina.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Her father is dead.

My dad is in such a food coma after he ate all that Drano
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan has incredibly old glue.

This glue dries so fast it must be Seabiscuit!
@meganamram
Megan Amram

She is probably really great at Clue.

I'm the only one who knows this is a murder mystery dinner
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Amram self-medicates.

Drinking really helps calm the social anxiety involved with driving a school bus
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan grew up faster than most other people.

In 9th grade, my teacher was arrested for trying to have sex with a student. Home school was the worst.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

She is the one who has most recently seen Haddaway.

"What is love?" - Haddaway on Jeopardy!
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan may be a hoarder.

I don't trust banks. I keep all my blood under my mattress.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Amram ruined every joke you ever heard about the fun loving rabbi, priest and minister that enjoyed an adult beverage every now and then.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. Their lack of faith due to God forsaking mankind has driven them to alcoholism.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

She is always looking to improve herself.

My New Years Risotto: figure out autocorrect
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan is an amateur mixologist.

I invented this super cool handshake but I don't think I blended it long enough
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan knows how to make all children feel special.

Smart children are gifted. Adopted children are regifted.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

She imagines a better world for herself and others on Christmas Eve.

I wish Jesus had started Shit My Dad Says
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Amram is one with nature.

A little bird told me I'm schizophrenic
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Megan is a history buff.

Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Amram is kind of a drunk.

This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.
@meganamram
Megan Amram

But she's working hard to get to the bottom of her issues.

I'm only stripping to put myself through therapy
@meganamram
Megan Amram

Roger Cormier wishes that he read the fine print on his cell phone contract.

  • Lord_Haw_Haw

    What a bunch of groaners. These read like they were rescued from Steven Wright's reject pile. Good thing for her the standards for Twitter humor are so low.

    • Lord Haw Haw's Butler

       LORD HAW HAW DOTH NOT APPROVE

      • BAW

        LORD BLAW BLAW IS SO FUNNY BLAW BLAW BLAW

  • tuppy

    Oh my god I've read these a thousand times and they still make me laugh out loud. Parks & Rec is very lucky to have someone who has mastered the art of the one-liner. 

  • http://twitter.com/dueybaab Duey Baab

    Megan also writes incredible, serious poetry and that ain't easy! She's hilarious and brilliant.

  • Chrissie

    Lord Haw Haw sounds like a pretentious wanker, he should quit making other people feel bad for liking a comedienne by saying she isn't any good. He should get a life and keep his negativity away from something other people like. Amram is brilliant.

  • Guest

    Why would you do a follow friday about someone who has been referred to as the queen of twitter?  Megan Amram is hilarious, but she's basically an example of how someone can succeed in comedy through twitter, so she doesn't exactly need shout-outs.  The cynic in me says you just want her to follow you for writing this.