Splitsider

Friday, July 27th, 2012

Follow Friday: @PerlaPell

Everybody is a comedian on Twitter, but only a select few are worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual who consistently makes us laugh. You're welcome.

(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Paula Pell (@perlapell) is best known for being an Emmy award winning writer for SNL. Paula's been writing there for so long that she once appeared on camera to take a punch from host Alec Baldwin – when he was hosting for only the ninth time. Much more recently, Pell portrayed Ron Swanson's grizzled, moonshine gulping mother on Parks and Recreation.

With those credits in mind, it's okay that she ruined Q-Tips forever.

Q-Tips should be called Dildears.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Pell is unfortunately not followed by Rick Santorum.

C'mon Rick Santorum, lay off the gays. Yes, we are here to ruin the country, but we will do it in the most caring, funny, and stylish ways.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

She is definitely not a Fun Run organizer.

Who wants to take a morning run along the Hudson tomorrow with me? I'll meet you at Zero O'clock at the corner of Bitch and Please.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Pell would make a terrific/awful company spokeswoman.

I like nighttime rituals: Put on nice pajams, brush hair, apply lotion, floss, watch some TV, take a sip of water, leave Target, go home.
@perlapell
Paula Pell
I just uncrossed my legs and Dennis Haysbert's voice came out.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

She *really* likes commercials.

Hey, I'm not premenstrual. I always cry when I watch an animated piece of shredded wheat help a kid pass a test.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Paula wasn't upset about Adam Carolla's "women aren't funny" comment.

I'm less offended by Adam Corolla's comments than I am super impressed that he came here in a time machine to speak to us from the 80's.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Pell has a lot on, in her mind.

Hoarders just called. They want to do an episode about the inside of my head.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

She can stand to earn some extra income.

My boob job was so cheap that one of my nipples is a corn nut.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Paula now has Animal Control on speed dial.

I just saw two bats fly out of a cave. It startled both me and my gynecologist.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

For most people college is a transformative experience.

Dick Van Dyke: My three favorite eras of my college years.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Paula is expecting an important text.

Hey let's put our phones in the other room and sit down close to each other and really talk. But quietly, so we can hear if we got a text.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Pell is playing the expansive field.

I had a date with a Swedish chef last night. Between my purndulous turts and his urmple purnus we had a real flurk fest.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

She's not a midwife, which is our loss.

If I were a midwife I would wear a fanny pack with "Push It Real Good" bedazzled on it.
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Paula is looking out for scams.

I hope no one is paying money for headphones on their flight so they can watch "The Artist".
@perlapell
Paula Pell

Roger Cormier never cried over that depressed anthropomorphic cloud that felt better thanks to Western medicine.

  • Annie G.S.

    She's also a producer of 30 Rock and plays Paula Hornberger!

  • http://twitter.com/Bhess Bhess

    I like her on 30 Rock. Whenever I see her on there I get slightly aroused and hungry for Pop-Tarts.