Splitsider

Friday, October 19th, 2012

Follow Friday: @JaredLogan

Everybody is a jokesmith on Twitter, but only a select few are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Jared Logan (@JaredLogan) is a comedian from West Virginia that recently appeared on Comedy Central's Mash Up. He was the warm-up comic for that network's Night of Too Many Stars special. Apparently he made quite an impression.

Won't see me on #2ManyStars when it airs. I'm just the warm-up comic. But pay attention to shots of audience for people thinking about me.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Jared has moved on from just talking about one topic.

"HOW DO I GET THE SEX????"--Open Mics
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

To literature.

. @ Are u the guy that wrote Infinite Jest or is that another guy with three names? Anyway LOVED that book.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

And "literature."

With Twilight it was like "At least people are reading". With 50 Shades of Grey it's like "OK stop reading. You're doing it wrong."
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

And other forms of art that have shaped our minds.

I will now list all of my favorite characters from The Burger King Kids Club: Kid Vid, Jaws, Wheels, IQ, Snaps, Bankshot, Asian, Cripple
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Although there are some things Logan can never seem to outgrow.

Kids are often forced to sit in a corner and think about what they've done wrong. As an adult I find I often do that without being asked.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Jared is keen on political humor.

CNN reports that Barack Obama's sleigh has been sighted leaving the North Pole
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

He figured out the blueprint behind any great speech.

"Hey Joe, let's begin our speeches by telling our wives we love them. Then dovetail that into killing the sh** out of Bin Laden."
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Not the best at math though.

Wanna feel old? The kids graduating from high school this year were born when you were getting into Vampire Weekend
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Logan is a Ron Swanson, DIY type.

Today I bought and installed a new router. Set up a new wifi network. Picked a real cute password.It feels good to work with your hands
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

He will not tolerate creationism in his kitchen.

Guy is suing NASA, says he was fired for believing in Intelligent Design. I'll fire you from my bakery if you think bread comes from wishes
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

But in times of need he can be considered religious.

Whenever I'm stuck on a tricky ethical question, I ask: what would a brutal desert tribe living thousands of years ago do?
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Jared isn't in the best of shape.

Urgh. Me doing a sit-up is like trying to fold a tennis ball in half.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

And sometimes his imagination is lacking.

Glad Guys With Kids is just a show. Can you imagine what would happen of a man raised a child???
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan
What do Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen talk about?Cooper: "More deaths in Syria"Cohen: "Ramona called Heather a slut."
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

But Logan writes the best Yelp reviews.

This shit-hole bar full of date rapists and old PBR vomit looks magical & romantic thanks to all the votive candles
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan
You will swallow over 1,798 spiders in your lifetime. Wait. Sorry. I meant each time you eat at Arby's.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

And is excellent at ethnic word games.

Just played the word "Maaaaa!" for 28 points on that smartphone game WordswithItalians.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

And knows to be very specific when wishing ill on nerds.

I love comic books but comic book fans are the worst. I hope a meteor hits NYCC and nobody gets powers from it.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

With one simple follow you can feed a comedian's ego for a lifetime.

If I get just one more twitter follower I'll finally be happy. Really, truly happy.
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan

Roger Cormier brings his own votive candles to dive bars. #classact