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Celebrities Honor (and Joke About) Ben Stiller at a Big Fancy Event

The American Cinematheque gave its annual career achievement award to actor/writer/director/producer Ben Stiller last week, and a ton of his big shot celebrities pals turned out to pay tribute to him, and more importantly, to make jokes at his expense. Here are some of the evening’s best jokes, quips, bits, and burns, as recorded by The Hollywood Reporter:

“Ben has one of the most marvelous, vibrant and exciting penises I’ve ever seen. I used to do a lot of cocaine in the ’80s, so believe me, I’ve seen a lotta penises. Ben’s is a real charmer … think Paul Newman around the time of The Hustler … fun, almost cute and cuddly. … So thank you, Ben, for your talent and your friendship and your penis. Or as you call it, ‘Dr. Patrick Bigshot.'” – Will Ferrell

“Clearly, Ben’s bathing in the blood of drifters or something. You’re not aging! There’s something creepy.” – Patton Oswalt

“[The Ben Stiller Show] was the biggest opportunity of my career. You knew what you were doing. I did not. I can tell you now I was scared shitless. … I still don’t know why we were canceled. It might have been we were the lowest-rated show on TV.” – Judd Apatow

“Ben Stiller gave me everything that for the next 20 years I fucked up.” – Andy Dick

“Dad, you’ve always been there for me. Well, not always, but there was that four-month period between Seinfeld and King of Queens.” – Ben Stiller

“It’s nice to get an award for nothing specific. It’s sorta like there wasn’t any one thing you did that was all that great, but when you put them all together, there’s something there. I want to thank the Academy — someday.” – Ben Stiller


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