Splitsider

Friday, November 9th, 2012

Follow Friday: @BugBucket

Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist. 

(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Wreal Wrad Wraith, a.k.a. @bugbucket, is a part of the universe known in some circles as "Weird Twitter," a term designated for twitter accounts that try to be different in a juvenile way at worst, original, surreal, poetic, influenced by Burroughs' cut up technique at its best. Wrad is one of the higher profile members, but that's no reason to trust him alone in your medicine cabinet.

my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Or near the children in the ball pit.

shovels are useful. can be used to both end a person's life and commit them to cold dark earth. "sir get out of the McDonald's ball pit"
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Or near your pets.

"wow it smells like updog in here" what's updog *you wordlessly point to the ceiling, where a small dog has been glued*
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Wreal has a tough history with dogs.

theres a dog on my lawn, it won't go away; has a black cloak and big ol scythe, one bony finger making a come-hither motion. go away doggie
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

And had a tougher childhood.

"hey look at this there's a nickel in your ear" nice trick granpa "there's gotta be more where that came from" grandpa is that a power drill
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

But Wreal handled it better than his sister.

my littlest sister (about 5 years old) just said "bugs don't have very long lives" and then followed it up with "i wish i was a bug"
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Besides, the Bono kids had it even worse.

"Bono appettit!" chuckles Bono as he serves dinner to his family. his teenage son rolls his eyes, he's heard it all before
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Wraith possesses a healthy self-image.

i love this club, everyone is so handsome, we are all having a great time "sir this is a mirror store" except this asshole bouncer
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Despite a dry spell.

hello? yes i need a date. really bad. oh this is a pizza hut? perfect can you just arrange the pepperonis in the shape of lips
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

But it's not like he's completely lonely.

i've got a giant lack of porpoise in my life *dolphin bursts through door wearing party hat* get out of here that was an autocorrect error
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

It's not like the endgame looks too promising.

hey girl i want to someday argue over the price of a vacuum with you
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Wraith most likely will be watching Community when it returns to its Thursday at 8 slot.

IMdB > Search > Big Bang Theory > Goofs > this show was allowed to exist
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

And has definitely seen Ron Swanson.

why can't everything just be breakfast. lunch is Double Breakfast. dinner is Dark Breakfast. girls are Pretty Breakfast. guys are Muscle Bre
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Wreal sees the moon for the hack it truly is.

every night the moon retweets the sun
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

And us for who we really are.

a human is a sense of yearning loosely wrapped in leaky meat
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Be careful about those new iPhones.

look into your iPhone's front camera. closer. closer. CLOSER. you're inside your iPhone now. a new emoji appears. it's you, screaming
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

And about being impatient on the sidewalk.

if you press the crosswalk button enough times a secret elevator descends and crushes you to death for being an impatient asshole
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Yes, even Bug Bucket can get political.

Obama chuckles to himself "I knew that eight-year warranty on the White House's dishwasher was a good idea"
@bugbucket
wreal wrad wraith

Roger Cormier will be waiting for the light to change for the next four days.