Splitsider

Friday, December 28th, 2012

The Best of Follow Friday: 2012 Edition

Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that the other days of the week exist.

(If you are reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Man, that was a crazy year we had back there. Look at that thing.

Wow.

Thankfully, Twitter was around to either snark away the anxieties we continued to develop over the events of this past year or to empathize with them. And be funny while doing it.

To celebrate the laughs, let us look back at the very best* tweets from everyone featured on Follow Friday in 2012.

* Determined by a complicated computer algorithm that factors in exit polls and strength of schedule.

50 CENT HAS A COLOGNE AND IT'S NOT CALLED 50 SCENT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
@morgan_murphy
Morgan Murphy

"Hurricane Sandy." - Madea, informing Andy that the cans are right here.
@thejoshpatten
Josh Patten

If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
@KenJennings
Ken Jennings
Did you know Daniel Craig is just an Instagram photo of Liam Neeson?
@FranGillespie
Fran Gillespie
Mitt Romney says corporations have the same legal rights as people. Well, except gay corporations.
@DamienFahey
Damien Fahey
At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
@meganamram
Megan Amram
Lance Armstrong is banned from cycling for life. If you see him on a bike, please knock him off and then shout, "NO!" right in his face.
@johnmoe
John Moe
If you can name 5 Kardashians but can't name 5 countries in Asia, stick a knife in an electrical socket.
@kellyoxford
kelly oxford
Watching Mitt Romney try to relate to average people is like watching Edward Scissorhands try to shake hands. #debate
@kumailn
Kumail Nanjiani
"Is this seat Taken?" - Guy who confuses Liam Neeson movies with a chair.
@jenstatsky
Jen Statsky
How amazing would it be if President Obama turned around and said, "One more thing" and then revealed the iPhone 5? #DNC
@MikeDrucker
Mike Drucker
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there's really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
@SarahThyre
Sarah Thyre
"When life gets tough, throw a sappy, trite inspirational quote on Twitter. It'll solve nothing but, hey, attention!" -@
@EveryTweet_Ever
Every Tweet Ever
Q-Tips should be called Dildears.
@perlapell
Paula Pell
Celebrity deaths are the "beach ball at a concert" of twitter.
@julezmac
Julian McCullough
Don't believe in climate change, rap fans? Tell that to Vanilla Slush, Water Cube, and LL Warm J.
@mrtimlong
Tim Long
My hit song would be "Text Me Only"
@aparnapkin
Aparna Nancherla
After Pacman's death, Ms. Pacman wandered the empty halls, lost in a maze of grief, feeling as though she was surrounded only by ghosts.
@girlwithatail
erin whitehead
"Son, the monster under your bed worries me FAR less than the one lurking just below the surface of my psyche. Anyway, good night."
@oldmanweldon
Big Tits Will Weldon
"Romney just won Botswana." - CNN, using Apple Maps for their election coverage.
@StevenAmiri
Steven Amiri
i'll have what HE'S having! (20% higher income, on average + global reproductive freedom, pretty much).
@MeganNeuringer
Megan Neuringer
"I see some ladies tonight who should not legally have the right to choose whether they'll be having my baby, baby." - The Notorious RNC
@joshgondelman
Josh Gondelman
When god was inventing feelings, I wonder if he knew what a hit "finding out someone hates the same person as you" was gonna be
@MrEmilyHeller
Emily Heller
"You're still the president of this family, honey." "Shut up, Ann."
@ChaseMit
Chase Mitchell
When I say, "No problem," I mean, "YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER."
@curlycomedy
Abbi Crutchfield
What's the big deal with texting whi
@JaredLogan
JaredLogan
"Nevermore." <---That's so raven.
@KarenKilgariff
Karen Kilgariff
This new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.
@justinshanes
Justin Shanes
my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
@bugbucket
wreal wrad ☃wreath☃
It makes me depressed to know that I don't really have a stegosaurus, but rather a very pissed off cat with Doritos superglued to his back.
Seriously, if all the nerds are playing ukuleles and drawing comix and making puppets, WHO'S DOING THE FUCKING SCIENCE?
@johnroderick
john roderick
"What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@AaronFullerton
Aaron Fullerton
"I would rather die than be ordinary!" I shouted. "Please get off the giraffe," security repeated.
@charstarlene
Charlene deGuzman
Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad
@MaryKoCo
Mary Kobayashi

Happy New Year everybody! Here's to another great year of Twitter.

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