Follow Friday: @lanyardtwerk

Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

@Lanyardtwerk once admitted on her twitter profile to being a habitual line-stepper. I don’t know if that is necessarily true, but she is definitely an upbeat, shining light in an otherwise dark and depressing world.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/236033454817546241″]

With a future at CBS programming.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/271336110679011329″]

Grow concerned if Lanyardtwerk brings home coffee.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/214909459519123458″]

She has at least one child.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/182917636504559616″]

She wants nothing but to let him or her escape the pain that is childhood.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/248914606867750912″]

Her maps believe that it is every map for itself.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/104673233881677824″]

Miss Twerk has a peculiar way of dealing with loss.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/199006673837375488″]

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/204941731072970752″]

She wishes Hitler were different.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/167806259872014337″]

Lanyard is into meta men.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/119431379560837120″]

She just might save Jason Mraz from complete irrelevancy.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/287697120029462531″]

Ugly people make her hungry.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/291752745529126912″]

It is actually weird that Marriott has never used a variation of the following tweet as their slogan.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/163295415876337666″]

Twerk is a stone cold killer.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/274592817614045185″]

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But nobody’s perfect.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/212215809030885376″]

Lanyard needs to shop at a different grocery store.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/177459670779305985″]

She makes corpulence fun!

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/288666632283361281″]

Lanyard is burdened by her ambivalent relationships.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/205777530203021312″]

Because nobody says what they really mean.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/243163331345674240″]

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/289737207412056064″]

And will act out instead.

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/lanyardtwerk/status/207486443260612608″]

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