Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you're reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Matt Koff (@mattkoff) is another comedian that did not have the happiest of childhoods.
I don't know who this Rorschach guy is, but he sure likes drawing pictures of my parents not being proud of me!
Since day one.
Using Facebook Timeline I just "liked" my own birth, which is more than I can say for my parents, am I right? Someone hold me.
Even though his mother wasn't always the worst.
Have a great day, Mom! And thanks for letting it slide each time I'd come home after midnight covered in blood. ;)
It turned him into a monster of a parent himself.
"Speech! Speech! Speech!"-me showing off in front of my deaf mute son
That kid never had a chance.
can babies really not eat popcorn or are they just being dramatic
Matt is willing to settle.
Does anyone have a hot glue gun I can borrow? Or a regular glue gun with an awesome personality?
Very much so.
If you don't have anything nice to say, then I will probably end up dating you.
But nobody can compare to Karen.
NEW YORKERS: where is your #1 favorite place to eat dinner alone and think about karen
Koff has a good pick-up line ready to go.
Hey, are you a squirrel? Cuz you've been running through my beard all day.
He is a war veteran.
I'm a proud veteran of 3 comment wars.
Who loves to party!
Guys, it's 4/20, you know what that means! (The war in Afghanistan has raged on for 10 years and 196 days with little resolution in sight.)
But Matt has problems keeping it under control.
Whoa, landlord refusing to give security back because--HIS WORDS--"everything is burnt"???
He has hopes and dreams.
I just want to be famous enough to crowd-surf to the post office.
But he'll need a job first.
I really showed that Rubik's Cube who's unemployed.
Which Koff doesn't have because of his attire.
They say "Dress for the job you want," which is why I always dress like a hand.
And Matt was probably asked to stop volunteering.
"You homeless fucks like canned shit?" - Food Drives
Koff doesn't even know what time it is.
"What do we want?" "WATCHES!!!" "When do we want 'em?" "???"
Or popular music lyrics.
So apparently there is no TLC song called "Don't Go, Jason Waterfalls."
But he does know some cold hard truths.
FACT: Over 100 million cats each year go completely un-Instagrammed.
At least Matt is getting the help he needs.
Turns out the depression support group I've been going to is actually a level 1 improv class.