Follow Friday: Chris Thayer (@christhayersays)

Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Chris Thayer (@christhayersays) is a stand-up and writer for Pete Holmes’ upcoming post-Conan program The Midnight Show. He was kind enough to talk about what was going through his mind when writing some of his funnier tweets.

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“I said ‘front door,’ but I’ve always pictured a screen door in my head. It has an exposed wood frame and lacks one of those closing devices. He shuts it very gently to keep it from making a sound. It’s around 9:30 at night and the living room is warmly lit by a single lamp.”

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“I felt embarrassed enough about something that I posted a joke about killing myself and now, looking back on it, I have no idea what I was embarrassed about. If you’re an adult being bullied by life, just remember: it gets better (and then infinitely worse and slightly better and so on and so on until you die). Come to think of it, no wonder people off themselves all the time…JEEZ LOUISE!”

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“I was texting my girlfriend and she made a joke about Tyler Perry. I desperately wanted to impress her with a funny response—yet another feeble attempt to create a distraction from the dark and toxic parts of my personality—and this tweet was the result. We broke up.”

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“While ‘Girl is your name _____’ is pretty much a stock premise on Twitter, this was inspired by two instances where I thought it was used really well: one from Brian Gaar [@briangaar]: ‘Girl is that ass named 9/11 because I’m secretly behind it‘ and one from Eireann Dolan [@EireannDolan] ‘Daaaamn girl is your name Katrina because my lower 9th just flooded.’ Their uses of national tragedies as part of clever-but-crude pick-up lines are hilarious enough to me that I still remember them now, months after they were posted. In mine, I substituted the sexual innuendo with overt sincerity and I think the end result blurs the line between joke and melodramatic teen poetry. That’s all I’m aiming for with twitter: melodramatic teen joke poetry.”

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“As you may have guessed, this tweet was commissioned by the fine people at the LennyKravitzVEVO YouTube channel. It was meant to spread awareness about the dangers of texting while driving, but they said I, ‘fucked it up by making it all cool.’ Whatever.”

It’s possible that the Kravitz people decided to go with someone with a more traditionally impressive degree.

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Chris was probably distracted when coming up with the tweet anyway.

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Thayer enjoys puns, and doesn’t take it for granted that he is free to make them at no expense to his livelihood.

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Saved by the Bell wasn’t even immune to wordplay.

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Sometimes it’s probably best to keep the wordplay to yourself.

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And to be less vague in your songwriting.

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Chris has identity issues.

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Despite rolling deep.

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And knowing a lot of classic jokes.

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Thayer has done the research.

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He is kinky.

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It gives him feelings of self-entrapment.

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Chris has been a Wes Anderson fan for over fifteen years.

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He’s not as big of a Hitchcock guy.

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