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Tuesday, May 14th, 2013

The Vine 5 Film Festival: You Should Eat Something

Vine is a toy from Twitter that challenges users to make the most profound work ever committed to video in exactly six seconds. Or at the very least, challenges comedians to bring a little more laughter into this world. Every Tuesday we showcase five of the funniest short shorts of the past week.

Your RSS feed might be difficult and not show the videos, but trust us – they are there.

Usually when I report on the ascending popularity of Vine it is good news, but sadly this is not one of those times. Vine has become so popular that it has entered the putrid, ridiculous, bullshit conversation about gender and inherit comedy chops. The name of the guilty will not be mentioned, but all you need to see is this funny and great Vine by Gillian Jacobs in immediate response, and this just as great tweet by @imkateward.

Moving on…

"Ryan Gosling Wont Eat His Cereal (Part 8)"
By Ryan McHenry

The hot Vine of the week came from Ryan McHenry, as he continued with the epic miniseries Ryan Gosling Wont Eat His Cereal. The impressive vines that would fit right in on Conan began three weeks ago, but in its initial conception it seemed as if the movie star was about to eat a nutritious, sugary breakfast food. McHenry took it a step further eventually by timing the attempt to spoon feed the millionaire to a frame where Gosling turns away, the ungrateful bastard.

"Homeless Beekeeper Gets Some Breakfast on Melrose"
By Brittany Furlan

I don't know if Brittany Furlan stages her vines beforehand and lets any of her victims know that they are about to be her co-stars, and I don't think I want to know. I can sort of understand this man being upset at a woman dressed as a man stealing his food, but the soup should be enough for the guy who presumably has shelter. Wouldn't he notice someone following him holding a phone? I honestly don't know.

"My Little Greek Yia Yia is Always Trying to Feed Me"
By Tom Megalis

Meanwhile Tom Megalis' problem is having too much food, particularly when his Greek grandmother stops by for a weekend visit. This might be offensive to both claymation cooks and Greek people.

"Apocalypse Now"
By Ted Travelstead

Ted Travelstead is lost in Dobie Gray's rock and roll, his soul far from soothed, rather lost on a deserted highway littered with marijuana cigarettes and Kerouac paperbacks, probably. He has always been at the Overlook Hotel (I know that's the "wrong" movie but that's what this reminds me of.)

"Take 1"
By Barnabus

You and I went to the bar one night. You tried to tell a joke, and failed. You disagreed with my assessment. There was a pregnant pause in the conversation. I ended it by asking a simple request. "Ask me what the secret to comedy is." You made a dumb face. You calculated in your head for a long second or two if the potential entertainment value in acquiescing was greater than the potential psychological anguish of hearing an awful turn of phrase. "Okay," you said hesitantly, prepared for the worst. "What is the secret to comedy?" I stared at you. Nobody spoke for the next hour. It was horrible. You gave up and went home. As you were about to charge your phone and turn in for the night, you saw a text from me. "Timing," it said. We are no longer friends.

Playing in Theater 2

Sick View From the Hospital, Bro by Matt Braunger

While Braunger used awful/great punnery, Brooks Wheelan dealt with his discomfort by trying to kill Mike Burns right then and there. Feel better Mike!

Bathroom Dinner by Walsh Brothers

When you insist on eating at the fancy restaurant but they are out of tables.

If Life Were a Musical Traffic Would Be More Sufferable by Adam Goldberg

Except it might be worse if everybody jumps out of their cars to dance.

I Found a Fucking Lying Astronaut at a Bar by H. Alan Scott

Mr. Scott also wont tolerate any dislike of The Golden Girls.

Seriously, Why is Obama Funding This Operation? by Snake Dad

Good question. Everybody knows it's John Landis.

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