Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we'll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
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Rob Whisman (@RobWhisman), is a humorous tweeter that was kind enough to revisit his past and reminisce on what he was thinking when he composed some of his funniest material.
"This sort of happened, roles reversed, with my ex-girlfriend Stephanie actually. Except instead of Paul Blart: Mall Cop it was Erin Brockovich and instead of Metallica's Master of Puppets it was her admitting she cheated with a guy named Brandon."
"This was a late hat-toss in the great Hope Jobs Cash joke influx of 2012. If my memory serves me, I was checking out at a Wal Mart when I thought of this tweet. The tweet went on to reap over a thousand faves and a suspiciously backhanded retweet from Stephanie."
"I'm fairly certain I tweeted this in the bathroom at work. It was featured on Ellen once. You know who's never been on Ellen? Pretty-boy Brandon, who I've most certainly never followed home and then peed in his mailbox."
"As an avid Facebooker, I've seen my share of engagement photos. Brandon and Stephanie, for example. Stephanie in a sundress. Brandon, a Nordstrom oxford button-down. Hands clasped on a decidedly vacant beachfront. Not arguing in a Waffle House parking lot because he may or may not have briefly gaped at a particularly attractive denizen who may or may not have been wearing a thong. Best wishes to Brandon and Stephanie, who may or may not tie the knot in May 2014."
"This is my personal favorite. It's very concise. Hey, did you know an anagram of Donnie Darko is "dined on okra"? Stephanie loves okra. Loves okra, hates green beans. I know a lot of things about Stephanie, including her ATM pin. It's 1833."
True story: my sister's name is Stephanie. And she's engaged. And her pin number might very well be 1833. Very strange. And a little scary.
Anyway, maybe Rob should take his own advice.
Play the field a little bit.
Otherwise everything will just remind him of someone else.
Admittedly, there is a bit of a general trust issue to be worked out.
Maybe Rob needs to be less choosy.
Or make more money.
Find someone that shares his musical tastes.
Rob certainly has strong opinions about contemporary music.
He also possesses knowledge on defaced clocks.
As well as music history.
With a few notable exceptions.
Even though Rob has access to Wikipedia.
As well as Twitter.
Instagram can also be dangerous.
But really, sometimes the most dangerous things are ourselves.
Rob might have someone to blame for that.
Maybe you do too, no matter your religious affiliation.
Only one individual seems to transcend such thought.