Follow Friday: Sarah Walker (@swalks)
A lot of Twitter users take to the platform to test out their latest jokes and quips, but certain people truly excel at making us laugh with the available characters and constraints. With the Internet being such a big place, it can be difficult to find the comedians most worthy of your RTs and favs. Each Friday we feature one person whose consistent short-form online humor deserves your attention and to be on your Twitter feed.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, you might want to come on over to the website so you can see the tweets.)
This week, we’re recommending the Twitter feed of Sarah Walker (@swalks). Currently a writer for MTV’s Awkward, Walker got her start at UCB, where she performed in the sketch comedy duo Walker and Cantrell, with Jessie Cantrell. She has been published by McSweeney’s and on Funny or Die and is the author of the book Really, You’ve Done Enough: A Parents’ Guide To Stop Parenting Their Adult Child Who Still Needs Their Money But Not Their Advice.
If you could invite 5 people to dinner, living or dead, would you pick up the check since you organized it?
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) October 27, 2013
“I don’t see color.”-dogs — Sarah Walker (@swalks) November 12, 2013
I believe literally everything in “Her” except the size of Joaquin Phoenix’s apartment. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) December 28, 2013
“You’ve got to APPLY yourself.”-Sunscreen’s dad
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) December 31, 2013
Every day is an emotional roller coaster for me, deciding if I like Alec Baldwin as a person or not.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) December 3, 2013
I want to get down to my drivers license weight. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) October 9, 2013
You know what they say: Mo money mo houses and other things you can buy. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) September 28, 2013
I just have this gut feeling that I’ll never meet Oprah.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) August 20, 2013
I would like a Kickstarter for my bank account.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) August 7, 2013
Nice to know that I’ve sent the child of the Sabra hummus family through college. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) December 7, 2013
Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and lakes and tributaries and estuaries and lochs and fjords and inlets and moats an — Sarah Walker (@swalks) June 17, 2013
Stockholm Syndrome is a terrible thing, but Stockholm seems like a pretty great place. Should be called Tampa or Buffalo, NY Syndrome.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) June 16, 2013
You think you’re the only person in the coffee shop talking shit about the rest of the coffee shop on Twitter? Yeah right.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) May 29, 2013
You should find someone who likes you for you, warts and all. But then get the warts removed because gross. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) May 29, 2013
I don’t believe in killing anyone, so I’d go back in time and give Hitler’s dad a vasectomy. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) May 13, 2013
My mood right now is “absentmindedly eating cheese.”
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) May 11, 2013
The other strippers must be super jealous of the stripper who gets to be on the billboard.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) June 12, 2013
If you imagine that all the drivers in LA are blindfolded, their driving becomes impressive instead of terrible. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) April 26, 2013
The cream cheese side of a bagel sure knows how to stick a landing. — Sarah Walker (@swalks) April 13, 2013
Cool thing about me is that I don’t need to use Coachella as an excuse for day drinking.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) April 12, 2013
Tobey Maguire should be the celebrity spokesman for plain yogurt.
— Sarah Walker (@swalks) April 7, 2013