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A lot of Twitter users take to the platform to test out their latest jokes and quips, but certain people truly excel at making us laugh with the available characters and constraints. With the Internet being such a big place, it can be difficult to find the comedians most worthy of your RTs and favs. Each Friday we feature one person whose consistent short-form online humor deserves your attention and to be on your Twitter feed.
This week, we're recommending the Twitter feed of Matt McElaney. The LA-based comedian worked as a production assistant for Family Guy this past season, and in his free time he's been gaining popularity for his jokes on Twitter. Check out some of his best tweets below:
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Sent from my iPhone.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) June 1, 2014
Dance like your Dad didn't wish you played sports. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) August 7, 2013
When you order a drink, don't forget to say "whenever you get a chance" so they knows you're the cool laid back patron who's on their side.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) March 19, 2014
I hate when you go to Target for ONE thing and leave with like 100 reasons why life isn't going as well as you'd hoped. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) January 24, 2014
Dogs are great for meeting girls. Pack of dogs attack a girl she's gonna need to go to a hospital. Who's gonna drive her? That's right. You.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) June 26, 2014
It's sad we spend so much time talking about a celebrity divorce when there are kids in Africa that literally have no celebrities. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) March 26, 2014
I always keep a condom in my wallet because you never know when somebody's gonna ask to borrow a condom.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) September 26, 2013
This girl is terrible at hitchhiking. She didn't even have her thumb up and basically hasn't stopped screaming since I put her in the car. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) June 24, 2014
How'd we meet? She was a model with 500,000 Instagram followers, I was a creep who commented "Stunning." a lot and the rest is history.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) February 26, 2014
Mom's all "grow up, you're 27" which is hilarious because I'm pretty sure I asked for more Pepsi, not advice from the lady who makes my bed. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) June 18, 2014
Haters gon' make pretty accurate observations about your personality flaws.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) October 27, 2013
Hey rich white ladies, how's speaking with a manager working out for you?
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) September 21, 2013
Sometimes I'm convinced my dog and I can communicate telepathically and other times I make brownies without any pot. — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) September 23, 2013
Baby on Board!? Better get right up on this car so I can see the cute little guy.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) November 18, 2012
GF keeps nagging me to stop belting out Born in the USA because I'm, her words – not mine, "at dinner with her parents." — Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) July 27, 2012
Hey lady using the machine that looks like it came from a gynecologist's office, you're making the rest of the gym uncomfortable.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) May 4, 2014
Apparently my GF likes extra pulp in her OJ more than she likes having a ride home from the grocery store.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) April 25, 2014
10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) April 2, 2014
Before you thank me for holding the elevator you should know I spent the last 5 seconds frantically pressing "Door Close."
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) June 17, 2014