A Comprehensive Collection of Comedians Tweeting About Their Flights
Whether we’re missing a flight, sitting next to an annoying passenger, or enduring bad customer service, flying is full of aggravations we’re usually powerless to avoid. Comedians, with their hectic schedules and tour dates, have it worse than most, and thanks to Twitter we know all about it. You’ve probably seen at least a few of your favorite comedians express their travel-related stress and frustrations 140 characters at a time — sometimes they get a good joke out of it, but other times it’s just pure anger, annoyance, and good old-fashioned whining. Really, it all comes down to this:
we all know the only acceptable way for a comedian to use twitter is to unsuccessfully shame an airline PR account into giving them a refund
— joe mande (@JoeMande) March 31, 2015
Nothing puts off one’s judgment like anger, so oftentimes comedians end up posting airline tweets without the kind of mental editing or restraint they give their usual punchlines. The result is a sometimes hilarious and sometimes shameless look at which comedians perform best under pressure — and not the kind of pressure they’re used to onstage. With that in mind, we decided to collect 350 airline-related tweets by some of our favorite writers, comedians, and filmmakers. So fasten your seat belts, turn off all electronic devices, and get ready for a lot of turbulence.
On Sunday my twitter feed just turns into comedians being upset with airlines.
— Brooks Wheelan (@brookswheelan) August 24, 2014
Love the airport. But don't "get" some of these typical airport people! Like the guy who wants to board but brings his coffee! Right gang?
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) January 11, 2015
Last year, complaints about airlines increased 22%. There were probably more complaints, but the airlines lost them.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 24, 2015
I'm cold and tired and my flight's delayed. I know… starving children…
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) July 25, 2013
This lady on my flight is really full of herself pic.twitter.com/HF1taFP12y
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 21, 2013
REPORT: Millions of people are changing their travel plans based on your angry airline tweets.
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) April 26, 2015
I'm never flying every airline again.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 16, 2013
The airline industry: Hatefucking you through the sky since 911
— Mike Lawrence (@TheMikeLawrence) April 23, 2015
I'm about to watch this movie while my flight is delayed. Let me know what you think of it! IT'S FREE!! http://t.co/d4e8SwRelt
— Rob Schneider (@RobSchneider) November 13, 2014
— Bill Burr (@billburr) June 24, 2014
Look how uncomfortable this TALL GUY is that's sitting across from me on my flight LMMMFFFAAAAOOOOO… http://t.co/JuK2Pzz9nZ
— Kevin Hart (@KevinHart4real) July 29, 2013
Finally found a cheaper flight to New York. (And a salute to these pilots I saw on the Tarmac in Asheville.) pic.twitter.com/DSYQSSKTWS
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) June 13, 2014
Ah there's nothing like hand washing then blow drying your underwear because the airline lost your luggage and you are STRANDED!!!
— Rebel Wilson (@RebelWilson) April 20, 2014
There was a secret farter on my plane… #CropDustingAt37kFeet
— Chris Hardwick (@nerdist) April 26, 2015
One of Hercules' 12 tasks should have been having to deal with airline customer service.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 1, 2014
I try not to be grinchy about things that make everyone else happy, but I dislike "funny" airline pilots and LOATHE funny flight attendants
— Dan Harmon (@danharmon) May 1, 2010
My flight won't take off. stewardess got black eye when bag fell out of overhead. This is the biggest "be a good person" test of my life.
— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) August 6, 2014
God, grant me the serenity to accept this dweeb is eating Burger King on my flight, the courage to not scowl at him and the wisdom to sleep.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) November 8, 2014
You know how u sit on the plane and the person next to you got a real big butt and it be heating the side of your leg ?
— Jay Pharoah (@JayPharoah) October 30, 2011
You know you're on a small plane when there is no sink in the airplane bathroom.
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) August 15, 2014
The woman behind me on this flight has NO VOICE MODULATION.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 16, 2013
— timheidecker (@timheidecker) March 9, 2013
I'm on a flight with @marcmaron. His rage just caused the engines to kick in and the coffee to brew itself.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 22, 2012
Middle of airline safety video, plane goes dark and silent. Pilot apologizes, says he needs to restart. WE'RE FLYING IN A SHITTY PRINTER
— Dan Harmon (@danharmon) October 10, 2014
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) December 31, 2013
Leaving your iPad sounds on for the whole flight to play wacky games? HOPE YOU GOT IPAD PUNCH INSURANCE CUZ I WILL PUNCH YOUR PAD
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) April 26, 2015
Oh. No. On a plane ready 2 take off. The guy next 2 me warned that's he's just flown for 11 hours & puked during the turbulence on landing
— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) October 4, 2010
— Jorma Taccone (@jormataccone) January 29, 2015
Maybe I'm "on pot" but all of the adults at LAX, in the plane, and at the SF airport are grumpy & I think it's boring and rude
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) December 31, 2014
— Iliza Shlesinger (@iliza) September 23, 2014
Dear Airline, Stop apologizing for your mistakes and just make it right. You sound like a husband that got caught cheating.
— Joe DeRosa (@joederosacomedy) March 19, 2015
If you're that person that has a lot to talk about at the airport ticket counter, fuck you.
— Glenn Howerton (@GlennHowerton) April 15, 2015
Attendant won't give me a pill to make me stop seeing John Lithgow on the wing of this plane. Making a bong out of a Mr and Mrs T can.
— John Hodgman (@hodgman) March 4, 2013
Am I avoiding thinking about the real problems of the world by arguing with an airline's Twitter? Of course!
— Giulia Rozzi (@GiuliaRozzi) April 29, 2015
— Dan Harmon (@danharmon) March 15, 2015
Is it Alt Comedy if I tell jokes about how GOOD airline food is?
— Tim Saccardo (@TimSaccardo) December 2, 2012
Why do airline stewardesses now use more jokes in their spiels than an @pattonoswalt act?
— Josh Gad (@joshgad) September 16, 2012
Is it rude to ask who from the airlines sell out people's names from flight lists? It's embarrassing
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) October 29, 2014
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 8, 2015
the whole idea of air travel needs to be started over, from scratch. Airlines treat us like shit and we all dress like pigs.
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) December 23, 2014