Turns Out, the Client Isn’t Very Ticklish, by Larry Lee

tickles
Team, you all saw for yourself. The expression on our head client’s face didn’t change one bit as I snuck behind him in the dimly lit conference room, cooed at him as if he were a baby, and then proceeded to tenderly caress his armpits.

As it turns out, he’s just not a very ticklish guy.

Allow me to explain myself. After James pitched the big campaign idea, I think we can all agree that things took a sharp turn for the worse. I could see some beads of sweat gathering on the client’s forehead, and a look of grave concern come across his brow. Given the stale atmosphere in the room at the time, it just seemed like we were all in desperate need of some levity.

So, taking advantage of the dark lighting in the room, I surreptitiously snuck around to where our client was sitting, and I proceeded to engage in some good old-fashioned tickle therapy.

If it was wrong for me to want to inject some happiness into the room in that moment, then I suppose I’m sorry. But how could I have known that the CEO of a multi-million-dollar corporation wouldn’t react in the same way as my five-year-old nephew to a little fingering under the ribs? I mean, everyone likes a good tickle.

And how could I have known that he wouldn’t be ticklish under the chin, on the bottoms of his feet, or in that tender part of your thighs, right above the kneecap? Had I known these things, I definitely would not have wrestled our client down to the ground, pinned his limbs to the floor, and shoved my fingers in very personal parts of his body.

At that point, I concede that it probably would have been a good idea to stop touching people in general, but I felt like I needed to prove a point. And I did feel like I saved some face when the little guy from R&D gave a sassy chuckle after I caressed his balding dome.

However, I understand that this small victory was largely overshadowed by the fact that the client fired us right on the spot, and that we are all technically unemployed at this point in time. So, yes, I suppose you could say that, in some ways, today was a net loss for us.

But, to be fair to me, have you ever met someone who legitimately isn’t ticklish? A lot of people say they’re not, but when they feel the fury of my fingers stirring under their armpits, or in between their toes, or sometimes in their earholes, they can’t not laugh.

Maybe I should’ve gotten him behind the kneecaps. Jason, do you think we can schedule another meeting?

Larry Lee lives in Los Angeles and tweets roughly once every three years. Follow him for updates @leelarryr.

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