@JoanofDarkness on Being Honest to Strangers Online
Keri, AKA @joanofdarkness, is a Scottish novelty act, chronic Gemini, and aspiring human. In her spare time she enjoys reading Gilmore Girls fanfic and making crafts that you’d think were crap even if your own child made them. Keri asked to give a shoutout to #TransLawHelp, who, post sentient bawbag election, are matching lawyers willing to help with trans folk who are in need. This week, Keri talked to me about three of her favorite tweets, plus honesty, Internet pals, and Twitter as exposure therapy.
do one thing every day that scares you! like for me its waking up
— scared keri (@joanofdarkness) May 15, 2016
Keri: Life is like dating someone who loves horror films so you say you love horror films too to seem cool and chill, and now you’re baws deep in a relationship where you’re too scared to express your fear and have to keep maintaining the sexy illusion that you’re not constantly terrified. But personally everything scares me and I love to show that by starting the day with a good ol fashioned scream sesh.
How long have you been on Twitter for, and how has the way you tweet changed over time?
I started using it early 2013, it was a couple month after ma dad died and I needed something shite in my life to replace that (jk lol soz it was actually a great distraction for me). Honestly Twitter’s changed me loads, when I started I was so isolated and my confidence had never been lower. The first time I got retweets I was so overwhelmed and I actual couldnae handle it, I for real had to go lie down in a dark room for ages! Twitter has been my exposure therapy. Before, I was terrified to write anything at all, I’d have a panic attack trying to write a birthday card… but now: [cut to me surrounded by birthday cards I’ve written] happy birthday bitch ;)
me publicly: stop objectifying female athletes!
me privately: I want the women's hockey team to beat me to death with their hockey sticks
— scared keri (@joanofdarkness) August 8, 2016
I tweeted this during the Olympics when I was overwhelmed by the power of the human thigh. It really combines the two cornerstones of twitter: being horny and wanting to die. I love that when your mate drops a pure bangin selfie the highest compliment is to tell em “literally murder me to death u fuckin demon.” It’s sweet!
Is there an event that you’ve enjoyed tweeting about the most?
One word baby: EUROVISION aka The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year! I sincerely live for it and oh boy *chef kissy fingertips gesture* the memes. I love how it confuses the Americans, like lads, what’s so hard to understand: it’s as if all of Europe is at war but instead a fightin they do euro pop bangers at each other wi glitter and lasers. It’s also 17 million hours long and you are legally obligated to watch it all.
What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had on Twitter?
If I can get all sincere n shit: the pals I’ve made on Twitter are the funniest, kindest, sweetest and freakiest folk I’ve ever had the deeply erotic honour of knowing. They’ve relentlessly cared, educated and supported me even when I’ve been a utter fanny, every interaction I have wi them makes me feel like the luckiest fucker in the world. Saying that; my other fav is the time I made a Simon Amstel fan account and tweeted “Simon pls fav this” an he did.
I just want to be as beautiful as an okay looking horse
— scared keri (@joanofdarkness) August 30, 2015
Like all girls I’m obsessed with two things: horses and hating myself. I mean, have ye ever seen an ugly horse? They’re aw absolute fuckin stunners! Sometimes I think, I’d actual love to be best mates with a horse but then I think: being the ugly friend would really start to get to me an the horse would probs struggle with textin, due to its hoofs.
How does your Twitter voice compare to your real life voice?
I hope it’s the same! I think being honest to strangers online has helped me to be more honest IRL. My goal is to be authentically just the fuckin worst best possible version of myself regardless of the medium. So I guess the main difference would be that IRL I do more sound effects.
What are your other favorite things to tweet about?
The Great British Bake Off, Jason Mantzoukas (if you’re reading this: call me), myself, my butt, hot dogs, piss, being a raw bitch, my therapy snake.
Jenny Nelson lives and writes in Brooklyn.