Ranking Every Episode of ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee’
Jerry Seinfeld hates talk shows, so he instead set out to do the anti-talk show and Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee — a series that lets Seinfeld take his friends on drives in slick cars to get some joe and grub — was born. For viewers, the lack of fanfare and production makes us voyeurs to the lives of comedians. The best episodes are the ones that really make you feel like you’re eavesdropping on a private moment between friends.
Now that the series is heading to Netflix later this year, let’s see which episodes top the charts and which ones fall flat:
59. S7 E3 | Kathleen Madigan: Stroked Out on a Hot Machine (1/13/2016)
Seinfeld and Madigan insult comedian Chuck Martin’s—who joins Madigan—apartment right at the top of the episode and it all feels a bit uncomfortable from there. The conversation forays into where different comics take their career. It always feels a little awkward when Seinfeld and his guests’ accomplishments don’t match up. Also, the banter, which is the real meat of the show, just seems flat and lackluster. Not comparable to the others at all. This episode was like watching pastel paint dry from a really uncomfortable wicker chair. However, it deserves credit for taking the time to deconstruct the term “douchebag.”
Best Line: “That guy’s a real ottoman.” – Martin
58. S5 E4 | Miranda Sings: Happy Thanksgiving Miranda (11/27/2014)
Miranda Sings teaches Seinfeld how to be famous, which begs the question: What went so wrong that Seinfeld—the man, the myth, the legend—had to endure a fake Miranda Sings YouTube video? Is that too harsh? Seinfeld takes Miranda Sings to the diner, where she schools him on “WeHo”—or West Hollywood as it’s more popularly known—and the “porn men.” If you are a fan of Miranda Sings then you will probably adore this episode, but I am not a fan, so to me this episode is like the puffy shirt all over again, except the puffy shirt is Miranda Sings. Yes, here is my transparent bias.
Best Line: “You live in [West Hollywood]? That’s where all the alcohol is!” – Sings
57. S4 E1 | Sarah Jessica Parker: A Little Hyper-Aware (6/19/2014)
Welcome to Station Wagon in the City! Or as Seinfeld dubs this episode, “Comedians in Cars Getting Aggravated.” Parker is not a comedian, so I am right there with the aggravation. There’s a lot of nostalgia talk in this episode, except it’s not about comedy but about life back in the day when parents drove station wagons. A good chunk of this episode is also spent arguing over how much to tip, just to remind us all that celebrities are not like us. Listen, it was a cute episode, nothing special.
Best Line: “The old-school cup holder— people.” – Seinfeld
56. S3 E7 | Howard Stern: The Last Days of Howard Stern (2/6/2014)
Stern and Seinfeld are probably very good friends, but this episode could almost convince you otherwise. It’s a hard one to crack. The conversation leans heavily on Stern’s insecurities and things he has been trying to work out, and in the process he tries to sell Seinfeld on therapy. There’s also a very uncomfortable moment where Stern forgets he’s not in his studio and tries to get Seinfeld to go negative. This episode gave me agita.
Best Line: “I feel like this is the most unimportant show in show business that I’m on right now.” – Stern
55. S3 E4 | Todd Barry: So You’re Mellow and Tense? (1/23/2014)
Seinfeld takes Barry on his first ride in a sports car ever, and they head to Coney Island. Amidst quite a few awkward pauses, the two comics talk New York real estate, film, and Barry’s favorite citrus joke that never gets any laughs. I love Barry. However, that kind of odd shy persona works very well for Barry on stage, but it sets a very slow pace for the episode.
Best Line: “What about all those shirts in Macy’s? Where do they go? What happens to them?” – Seinfeld
54. S8 E1 | Jim Gaffigan: Stick Around for the Pope (6/16/2016)
Seinfeld and Gaffigan go “camping” in a VW bus. There’s a little wife talk, a little children talk, a little comedian talk. Plus Gaffigan leads a game of “21 Questions.” This episode has my personal favorite vehicle of the bunch, but the rest of it is kind of a yawn. It definitely could have used some Hot Pockets, but if you like meat porn then you’ll enjoy the last few minutes of this episode.
Best Line: Just the pastrami-eating montage.
53. S1 E7 | Ted L. Nancy (Barry Marder) : You Don’t Want to Offend a Cannibal (9/6/2012)
In case you’re not familiar, Ted L. Nancy is Marder’s pseudonym. Anyway, the conversation topics of this episode really take on a mind of their own. There’s talk of Lowes, Rob Lowe, and competitive eating, and Jerry gives Marder a lesson in polite pie ordering and cannibalism.
Best Line: “If you’re with cannibals obviously you have to have good manners. You don’t want to offend a cannibal.” – Seinfeld
52. S5 E6 | Ali Wentworth: I’m Going to Take a Percocet and Let That One Go (12/11/2014)
WASP! It’s what’s for dinner on this episode of Comedians in Cars Hanging Out in Country Clubs! This Jew doesn’t mind it. Wentworth is just a good talker. She is great at coming off as a regular person who also happens to be hilarious. It seems like she and Seinfeld have a lot of family vacations together.
Best Line: “All [WASP] genitals are spackled shut.” – Wentworth
51. S8 E4 | JB Smoove: Everybody Respects a Bloody Nose (7/7/2016)
This episode leans heavy on the car talk. If you appreciate a good 1964 Studebaker Avanti, then you will love this! There’s also a bit of kibitzing on things like straws, The Walking Dead, and a bowtie exchange program. Here’s the deal: If you are as much a fan of Smoove as Smoove is of himself, then you will enjoy this episode.
Best Line: “Did you hear about the two prostitutes talking to one another, and one says, ‘Do you smoke after sex?’ She says, ‘I don’t know, I never looked.’” – guest star Jeannie