See Fewer Posts Like This, by Liz Arcury
Why Are You Hiding This Post Today?
• This post is offensive
• This post threatens harm
• This post proposes the notion that Adam invited four people to his birthday brunch and that I was not considered to be one of those select four but Adam has never said anything to me about not liking me or being mad at me so I’m really confused
• This post showcases the successes of someone who is not smarter or better than me and now has activated my already deeply rooted insecurity into hyperdrive
• This post shows two people saying they’re in love and smiling at a theme park and now I can’t get out from under my covers for the sixth straight hour
• This post is a picture of Julie in Iceland. How the fuck did she afford this trip?!?!
• This post uses the word “journal” as a verb
• This post has too many girls commenting and I thought I was the only one who liked this guy
• This post is from someone who I friend requested 10 years ago because I liked them on a TV show and now they aren’t getting work and it’s really bumming me out
• This post is my mom complimenting the other sibling
• This post is a Kickstarter for a short film about twenty-somethings in Brooklyn trying to get by
• This post is a photo of someone’s Hamilton playbill and I know for a fact this person does not have a job
• This post is a 19-year-old boy’s opinion about The Fountainhead
• This post is the 67th goddamn one this week from Laura about her “personalized knitted hand puppets” Etsy store
• This post makes me uncomfortable because it’s asking me to face a truth about my privilege that I’ve been blind to my entire life
• This post is a picture of a hot single guy with his dog but I can’t date him because he lives in a different state
• This post is my fun aunt sharing an unimaginably low-res meme about following your heart that is just a picture of purple flowers
• This post is Stephen announcing his brave, independent decision to quit his San Francisco tech job and backpack through all the five-star hotels in eastern Europe
• This post is an engagement photo and everyone but the couple can see the end coming a mile away
• This post is spam
Liz Arcury is a writer and comedian in New York. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s, Reductress, Refinery29, The Boston Globe, and more. She improvises at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre and hosts a monthly live show in Manhattan called An Hour of Failure, which was featured in Time Out New York. Liz originally hails from Melbourne Beach, Florida.