Splitsider

Another season finale, another wedding, another chance for Penny to wallow in her chronic loneliness, then at the last minute find hope and redemption. Only this time, there’s a Skype table! It’s Derek and Erik’s wedding (“Their Brangelina name is Derek…or Erik,” gasps Alex) and their ostentatious, confetti-covered, gladiator-themed love inevitably stirs up issues for everyone. “And that was just the Save The Date!,” Penny marvels. And to think, just last season Derek was posing as Penny’s sham date at Shershow’s nuptials. Dra. Ma. READ MORE

When Dave joins Max's gym (An actual exercise gym! The gang can't believe it either!), I must once again wrestle with my complete and total love of the gay stereotype mash-up that is Derek. Could those canary yellow gym shorts be any shorter? Considering that the show has no problem with letting Max be a lovable schlemiel, I guess a little upper man thigh never hurt anyone. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for it…no! Max and Derek together is like eating sweet eye caramels, particularly their slow-motion treadmill routine! "Actually he owes me $900. Drama!," Derek chuckles with Dave about Max. "No, seriously how do I get him to pay me?" Maybe I just need to remember that gay men can truly be whatever they want, whether it be lawyers, congressman, murderers, dentists or life coaches for rich people's pets. It is a real job. READ MORE

Last we left the Happy Endings gang, Alex and Dave had just been down each other’s rabbit holes (Eh? Ew? I’m sorry). While Dave has been frantically trying to call her with visions of unplanned pregnancy dancing in his head (“Group baby?” he muses. “Is that a thing?”), Alex has instead chosen to pretend their hot drunken lovemaking never actually happened. All those phone calls? Well, wouldn’t you know it? Alex’s phone line somehow got crossed with an intrepid home-made cough drop salesman. “Next you’ll be telling me Chaz's cough drops aren't laced with ketamine,” she scoffs at Dave’s attempts to discuss their boning. “They are, trust me. I saw God. He's black.” READ MORE

This is the first Happy Endings episode I can think of that didn't really have a distinct b or c story, and frankly, it could have used one. If only the person working at the newsstand had been Claire Forlani! Alas, it was merely a teenage boy with long hair. As such, the entire episode revolved entirely around the gang’s reaction to Max’s hunky perfect boyfriend-of-two-weeks Grant. It turns out, Grant is so perfect, what with his ideal brow thickness and spot-on vest/tie combination, that normally chillaxed Max is losing his goddamn mind. READ MORE

There's only a small window of time (i.e. right now) where it is socially acceptable for me to drool over hot gay kissing on TV before depictions of gay relationships are more commonplace, and our culture rightly recognizes my fervent ogling as the objectifying lechery it is. Until then…HOW ABOUT THAT HOT GAY KISS, HUH? Why every sitcom isn't filled with hot gay kissing is beyond me. NBC, this could be your niche! IT IS THE FINEST NICHE OF ALL! READ MORE

I could watch a person wrestle with ski equipment for hours. When I'm finally Dictator for Life, I'm going to have someone constantly wrestling ski equipment through a doorway at all times, just for my amusement. Or maybe someone could make a gif of it for me? Much like Penny struggles to drag here skis into a bar, so too must she struggle not to change herself for a man. God, you guys, my recap segues are getting so fucking tight. "It's like Nordic Track, but with wolves!" Penny complains after indulging an extremely recent ex's love of cross-country skiiing. Jane suggests that Penny try changing a man instead of herself, a plot which will of course work out swimmingly and with no ego-bruising surprise twists. READ MORE

When the question is, "How does Happy Endings satisfy me so?," the answer is always "The Honorable Elijah Muhammad." While Jane and Alex experience an intense spiritual connection during a round of Celebrity (though…that "we finish each other's…pizza" joke was pure Arrested Development, yes?) Dave reveals that his dad Big Dave is coming into the city…with a new girlfriend in tow. Was I the last one to realize they are all childhood friends? Or is it just Penny, Jane, Alex and Dave, with Brad and Max joining later? Either way, we learn that Dave's father hates Alex for spilling YooHoo on his imitation sheepskin seat covers 20 years ago, though not for, you know, ripping his son's heart of his chest on their erstwhile wedding day. We also discover that Penny became a woman (well, half of a woman. 1/4?) in Dave's rec room courtesy of cape-clad peer Peter Wong. "I still smile everytime I see wood paneling…or Peter Wong," she says wistfully. READ MORE

Love is in the air (along with revenge, sweater smoke and a very stinky hot dog), as the gang groans about the cheesmo factor of rom-coms, for example the brand new film That’s The Way It’s Gotta Be. It's all so hooky, gripes Jane, "Like when a couple is getting married, and then one leaves the other at the…doctor's office." The table grows silent and everyone looks side-eyed at Alex and Dave. Oh, it's good to be back. READ MORE