Splitsider

Charlie Kaufman is writing a novel, and considering the power of his movies to make people go, "Whoa, that's an inventive way to articulate exactly how I didn't know I felt about art and communication and identity and the human condition," it's probably gonna be PRETTY GOOD. Meanwhile, we'll wait it out, along with Kaufman's upcoming movie musical Frank or Francis, starring Steve Carell and Jack Black as a director and a blog commenter. Don't hold your breath for that one! (Not because it sounds bad. Because it won't be out for months and you will die if you go that long without breathing. Do not die.)

Move over, Goodnight Moon. Hey, fuck off Oh, the Places You'll Go! There's a new king of children's literature in town, and his name is Stephen Colbert. His children's book I Am a Pole (and So Can You!), which you may remember him working on with Maurice Sendak, is officially coming out on May 8th. And you can preorder it right now! Do it for the children.

Comic and perennial TV show guest star Fred Stoller has written a book called My Seinfeld Year about the single year he spent as a staff writer on Seinfeld — and how he ended up off the staff and playing "Man #1 in Hockey Audience" shortly thereafter. Looks like a fun read if you've got two bucks to spare.

Did you know that Lunatics, the book that an upcoming Steve Carell movie is based on, was co-written by original SNL writer Alan Zweibel and columnist Dave Barry while living many states apart from each other? This interview with Zweibel describes the writing process as a very slow, very long improv scene which is only now concluding with the book's release on Jan. 10.

Since we started writing this we have seen each other twice. Once was when Dave was up here promoting something and we had dinner. We went to dinner with the thought of ‘OK, maybe we would plot out the next hundred pages.’ That [...]

ISIS applicants are in luck. Master spy and motherlover Sterling Archer is revealing all his state secrets with a book called How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written. A few tips that will probably make the first page:

1. Buy a lot of black turtlenecks. More than that.

2. Make constant reference to Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone."

3. Fantasize about moving to Whore Island.

If these are somehow not sufficient, you can buy the book Jan. 17 and speed-read it before the series returns on Jan. 19.

Thank you, Jimmy Fallon and your Late Night writers, for giving us a second book of Thank You notes, available now for pre-order. Thank you, blog of Jimmy Fallon's thank you notes, for providing us with gentle chuckles until May 22 when the book is released. Thank you, "thank you note structure," for letting us make jokes in a funny format. Thank you, meta self-awareness, for providing an additional joke here by allowing us to thank the very thank you note structure with which we are using to thank you. And thank you, reader, for putting up with this overly thankful post.

Ooh, did you read the Portlandia book, Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors? If not, you can probably pick it up at the bookstore, because it's going to be available starting November 20. (Which, incidentally, is my DJ night.) The book will "lead readers through the city's landmarks, restaurants, etc., in the same tone that Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen have developed on the show." In other words, Portlandia is slowly becoming a real place, with a school and stores and a mayor and everything. Spring break destination '13?

Josh Radnor has written a book called One Big Blissful Thing that "details his journey from a suburban Ohio upbringing to ayahuasca ceremonies in the Amazon." Apparently ayahuasca is some kind of hallucinogenic plant and oh my god why does Wikipedia have to be down today of all days when we're all just trying to learn more about Ted Mosby's crazy drug adventures! I guess I have to go buy an encyclopedia now.

Chris Gethard's book is coming out Jan. 10, and he's gearing up to throw down with every other human being who has ever written a book. Already he's taken on Tim Ferris, Malcolm Gladwell, and Khaled Hosseini, AND set his own toaster on fire. More authors will undoubtedly be trashed in the coming hours, and with them, more household appliances set aflame. Tweet your author requests with the hashtag #GethardKingofAuthors and sit back to enjoy the show.