So, if you don't want to end up plagued with a yellow discharge coming out of a place that discharges stuff, then figure out how to vote. That discharge should be charged with the crime of being guh-rossss. This comes after she proposed to scissor a billionaire for Obama. If she gets that discharge cleared up, maybe she should just agree to scissor any old person, black person, college person or poor person. That will do the trick; again, IF that discharge is cleared up.
Gotchuuuuuu, Reeeepublicans. Republicans? More like Re-pelicans because they're always swooping down and scooping lots of fish in their dumb, giant mouth cavities. OK, that wasn't great political jokesmanship but you know what is? The above video. Watch it and imagine them all having giant, dumb mouth cavities filled with fish.
Parks & Recreation is going to spend not one but two episodes in Washington, D.C. next season, at least. The second episode of the season, airing on September 27, will feature political bigwigs like Senators Barbara "The Barbaric Boxer" Boxer, John "McPain" McCain, and Olympia "It's Snowing in Olympia" Snowe. I hope she meets President Obama and he goes, "Ummm. Look. Ms. Knope. I would like for you to be the President now. Thank you." And we all cheer for eternity.
It would stand to reason that an election year would be a perfect time to release a movie or a book related to politics, since the masses are most in the political mood. However, the opposite tends to be true. The conventional wisdom is if there is any perceived bias whatsoever, you will instantly cut your potential audience in half. Well The Campaign is trying to buck that trend. The New York Times writes, "It is unusual for any picture to go as far as The Campaign in satirizing contemporary political practices…while struggling to avoid charges of partisanship." For the people behind the film, the target was just [...]
No? Good answer, considering they are both comedians and not like serious political people. But in the pretend land of The Campaign, out August 10th we're asked to choose sides between Will Ferrell as Cam Brady, seemingly playing a less severe version of his George W. Bush, and Zach Galifianakis as Marty Huggings, seemingly playing a more severe version of his Seth Galifianakis character. The candidates campaign ads are above, the film's synopsis below. Who are you going to vote for?
There are some political happenings so ridiculous, so tragic, so disgusting that you just can't wait for 11:00 PM Eastern/10 PM Central. The recent Mother Jonesvideos in which Romney called 47% of this country useless bottom feeders – like crayfish or sea cucumbers, if you will – is such a happening. Above was Colbert's top-hatted take, below watch The Daily Show shit on it from a variety of angles, including a top-hatted John Hodgman [...]
After we asked, "Who's gonna play Paul Ryan on SNL?" we knew the next question was: "What is The Daily Show and The Colbert Report going to say about him?" The Daily Show dedicated a whole episode to the Ryan choice, even bringing on Paul Ryan biographer/vampire Robert Pattinson. Watch Colbert's take (including his pick for who should play Ryan on SNL) and the rest of The Daily Show's coverage below. Afterward, if you have time, can you maybe explain what government entitlements are?
First: WOW. Second: What if he says yes? The guy looks like a creep and works in the casino industry, so all bets are off. (Get it? Bets? Casinos? Gambling? Come on!) I guess we won't know unless you sign this petition at ScissorSheldon.com. The Jewish Council for Education & Research funded the ad. Educating Jews on scissoring? Isn’t that what sleepaway camp is for? (Zing!)
From the first well-placed banana peel through putting one's dick in a box, the comedy gods have always appeared in time of need bearing hilarious gifts. And in the face of Romney's extreme boringness, they've bestowed upon Jon Stewart and the country more Donald Trump being cuckoo crazy pants. The gods are very much aware that regardless of its bullshittiness, "birther" is a funny sounding word like cockamamie or [...]
On October 6, Jon Stewart and Bill O' Reilly are going to square off on the Internet in The Rumble In the Air-Conditioned Auditorium. Air-conditioned? What wimps. The probably do Vinyasa yoga. They'll be debating for 90 minutes, which is a ton of minutes for two non-politicians to debate. Below watch each of them getting the shit-talking ball rolling. Stewart references all the Irish people he knows and Bill rags on Stewart's use of writers. Who won round 1?
Rob Delaney likes to pester Mitt Romney on Twitter because he's "such an attractive target comedically." As is the case with all things Twitter, Delaney is quite good at it, earning mountains of retweets, @ replies, and faves. He's so good at it that he often overshadows Romney's actual account. In June, 44% of the time Delaney was responsible for the most popular mention of the candidate Twitter. He was routinely beating the candidate's own Twitter account despite having 200,000 less followers and not actually being the person people are tweeting about. Delaney does have the advantage of writing his tweets himself and being, well, funny. Which of [...]
I don't know what was better: Wyatt Cenac having the very Wisconsinish dude agree to the point that "you don't just recall every dumb person because they're a dumb person," or him teaching the same dude to say "Vampire Weekend." (Let's just call it a tie for best.) If they ever make a Daily Show greatest hits box set, this segment would easily be on it. It's breathtaking.
On May 29th, First Lady Michelle Obama is making her Second appearance on the Daily Show for an interview that will take up about a Third of the episode. Her previous appearance was during the 2008 campaign so now she'll be able to talk about the goings on of the White House. Though, apparently, she'll be focusing mostly on one part of the house, its garden.She will be promoting AMERICAN GROWN: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America, her book about growing vegetables and such at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Maybe, she'll share the recipe to the President's favorite Kale and Kale Soup with Kale Chips [...]
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