Splitsider

Jimmy Fallon offered up a new spin on his traditional reading of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, mad-libbing it with guests Martin Short, Patton Oswalt, T.I., Maya Rudolph, Jesse Eisenberg, Jack McBrayer, Brian Williams, Zac Efron, Howie Mandel, Jason Segel and Walter the Muppet. I don't want to spoil too many of their beautiful, reverent verses, so I shall only say this: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a fried penis.

Let's first talk about Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. It's a bad movie. The acting's bad. The story's bad. The effects are bad. Even the Christmas spirit in it is bad. It's a horrible, horrible movie about selfish aliens and a creepy Santa.

Which is why it works so well for Mystery Science Theater 3000.

In fact, it features my favorite MST3K joke ever:

Reporter: "Is it true you're going to use a rocket sled?" Santa Claus: "Oh no, siree! We're going out the old fashioned way -" Joel: "Guns a-blazing."

I had to. I know that Studio 60 isn't a comedy, it's a drama about a comedy. But this is every reason that basic premise failed. It's an episode about a comedy show putting on a Christmas special that's neither funny nor filled with any sense of genuine holiday spirit.

Plot, Why Not:

The show has never done a Christmas show, and Matt thinks it's time for a change! But the other people don't like Christmas! A CHRISTMAS IN LOS ANGELES? OH, BROTHER!

But, uh-uh, Grinches: Matt is going to cheer them up with some forced smiles and way-too-fast dialogue! Can show business and a time for joy [...]

From the start, you know the Tiny Toons Adventures Christmas special is as harmless as it is cute. They even reedited the opening to be Christmas-y!

As with a lot of Christmas specials, this parodies It's A Wonderful Life. Maybe "parody" is too generous – it is It's A Wonderful Life. There aren't a lot of jokes on the classic movie, it's just a vehicle to move along a story about Buster Bunny considering quitting his Christmas special.

Excluding compilation episodes and DVD releases, Saturday Night Live has never done a proper just-Christmas-material special. It can't, really; it's a sketch show with a topical bent. Weekend Update would be impossible.

But it has had some amazing Christmas sketches. So in the spirit of it being Friday, the closest day to Saturday that Splitsider runs, here are some of the best Saturday Night Live Christmas sketches.

Let's start with a cold open:

And here we are at the end of my Christmas death march. I’ve watched — and rewatched — a lot of Christmas episodes this month. A lot. I’ve made some bad decisions, seen some things I’d rather forget, and spent too much time on YouTube watching local commercials that aired from 1989 to 1997.

It’s been an emotional time, but one that has taught me an important lesson. The true meaning of Christmas specials isn’t in celebrity guest stars or lessons learned or songs sung. It’s not Jesus or Garfield or Mary Tyler Moore (it’s a little bit Mary Tyler Moore). The meaning of Christmas is trying to find [...]

Like Newhart's comedy, this special takes a little time to ramp up to greatness. The first few scenes are your regular Christmas special cliches: gifts awkwardly exchanged, one member of a couple being more giving than the other, etc.

But once Bob gets into his routine about Christmas parties, the special becomes really funny. Newhart sells well-trodden the tropes of awkward parties and guilt as new and fresh.

Mary loves Christmas. But with Mary's big fancy job, there comes sacrificies. Such as Christmas. And it's really, really depressing.

While The Mary Tyler Moore Show is a sitcom, this episode is just sad. Not a tear-jerker. Just sad. Mary gets used by everyone around her while she gives up little bit of Christmas after little bit of Christmas. Here's almost every scene in the special:

MARY: I love Christmas! CO-WORKER: We had to burn Santa Claus alive so there would be news. Go cover it. MARY: I… I understand. CO-WORKER: By the way, you're going to die alone. MARY: I know.

30 Rock has always been good at playing through old sitcom tropes and reforming them into something new. Here, of course, we have the old "let's put on a Christmas special" story. Only this time, it's so Jack can avoid spending Christmas alone with his (maybe not so bad) mother.

In fact, the revelation about why Jack's Christmases were so bad is creepily touching. A lazier show would've kept him and his mother fighting until a cheesy hug-it-out moment. Rather, Jack stays in character and quietly respects his mother for (spoiler alert!) sleeping around to get him toys.

I already wrote about this special here. But, because it's Christmas, why don't I plagiarize my own ideas?

The first episode of The Simpsons was a Christmas special. And what a special it was. While it's certainly not the first to focus on the plight of poor people during the holidays, it is perhaps the most real. This wasn't yet The Simpsons who would — in their world and ours — stumble into fame and riches. Rather, it was a humble family desperately trying to make Christmas a reality.

Everything from the “Christmases Around The World” school assembly to Homer's horrid Santa job are grounded in a reality [...]

Splitsider just featured an article about the history of Garfield's mediocrity. And generally, I agree. Garfield The Comic Strip has a long history of sucking. The joke-based strips are lame and the storylines are all boring. A character gets lost or goes on a date. Will they be okay? Yes, but it's Monday! Jesus.

However, I'll go out on a limb and say the Garfield animated series was alright. Maybe it wasn't great. But it was a fun, entertaining kids show based a comic strip solely designed to be hung in your saddest co-worker's cubicle.

Which brings me to the Garfield Christmas Special, a surprisingly funny and touching [...]

One of the best things about this time of year is getting to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Of all the Christmas movies out there, it’s definitely my favorite. Watching this third installment of the Griswold family was something of a tradition for the Worcester family, and even after countless viewings, it still makes me laugh out loud every year.

Chevy Chase is at the top of his game and the supporting cast is note perfect. Everything comes together flawlessly in this movie, easily making it the best of the Vacation franchise. For more detail on that, please consult my fellow Splitsider contributor Alden Ford.

To properly show [...]

The Star Wars Holiday Special is legendary. And like most legendary things, it's hard to praise or criticize. If I say it sucks, you already know that. If I say it's great, okay, it's not great.

Ostensibly, it's supposed to be funny. And in retrospect it kind of is. The jokes all fall so flat it plays as a quasi-canonical Tim & Eric episode. And the cameos — Bea Arthur, Jefferson Starship, etc. — all emphasize a cultural phenomenon spinning completely out of control.

On the sad side, “Christmas Scandal” is the last appearance of Louis C.K. as Leslie's boyfriend, Dave (for this storyline, at least). Boo!

On the happy side, “Christmas Scandal” is a wonderfully subtle Christmas episode. Yay!

By making fun of a sex scandal-prone politician, Leslie accidentally gets involved in a bigger, dirtier sex scandal. And while she hides from the media Ron and the rest of the department are horrified to learn how much work she actually does.