A Letter to the Editor Regarding School Attendance of Students Whose Insides Are 40% Spider Eggs That Could Hatch Any Minute, by Roger Taylor

Noah’s Ark FAQs, by Matt Stofsky

It is Now My Turn to Yell About the Bad Thing That Happened, by Brad Austin

Please Stop Body-Shaming Me for Being the Ice Cream Cone Pokémon, by Colin Heasley

Turns Out, the Client Isn’t Very Ticklish, by Larry Lee

If the Girls in Bunk H Were Your Family Members, by Graham Techler

Dad’s Return From the War Should Not Count as a Birthday Gift, by John Ambrosio

Strategies for Defending a Basketball-Playing Dog, by Daniel Carrillo

Fear Not Change, Fear Not Entropy, I Am Your New Sesame Street Muppet, by Alex Firer

A Letter to My Future Daughter’s Best Friend, by Dan Fitzpatrick

The Essential Guide to the Modern Man, by David Henne

Red Lobster Would Be Delighted to Assist with Your Marriage Proposal, by Bizzy Coy

I Didn’t Know That When I Taught This Town to Dance They’d Give Up on Their God, by Luke Strickler

Attention Passengers: The Baldwin Brothers Are Sitting on the Wing of the Aircraft, by Jamie Loftus

Space Camp Progress Report, by Lucas Gardner

A Request For Time Off Work to Be Spiritual Like My Friend, Wesley, by Matthew Mazer

An Open Letter to the Star My Uncle Named After Me, by Matthew David Brozik

I Ate a Hundred Marbles and Now My MALE Doctor Says I’m Full of Glass? Nice Try, Mansplainers! by Mitra Jouhari

An Excerpt from ‘The Drama Sutra,’ by Paige Weldon

A Letter of Complaint to the Bureau of Genies, Monkey’s Paws, and Birthday Candles, by Chris Morgan