Thank You For Your Submission to Moe’s Southwest Grill, by Jeff Vitkun

Notes From a Lasagna Dumpling Video Shoot, by Jeremy Glass

Thighs Deserve an Iconic Pop Song, by Evan Waite

Dear State of California: Please Approve My Application for Paid Family Leave as My Husband Elvis Is Now a Disembodied Head, by Patricia Grant

Rejuvenation Manual for Wretched Females, by Sarah Hutto

No, Your Ruse Did Not Scare Me, Despite Evidence to the Contrary, by Andy Boyle

We Are the Only Collaborative Workspace with a Tenacious D Listening Room, by Bizzy Coy

A Letter to the Editor Regarding School Attendance of Students Whose Insides Are 40% Spider Eggs That Could Hatch Any Minute, by Roger Taylor

Noah’s Ark FAQs, by Matt Stofsky

It is Now My Turn to Yell About the Bad Thing That Happened, by Brad Austin

Please Stop Body-Shaming Me for Being the Ice Cream Cone Pokémon, by Colin Heasley

Turns Out, the Client Isn’t Very Ticklish, by Larry Lee

If the Girls in Bunk H Were Your Family Members, by Graham Techler

Dad’s Return From the War Should Not Count as a Birthday Gift, by John Ambrosio

Strategies for Defending a Basketball-Playing Dog, by Daniel Carrillo

Fear Not Change, Fear Not Entropy, I Am Your New Sesame Street Muppet, by Alex Firer

A Letter to My Future Daughter’s Best Friend, by Dan Fitzpatrick

The Essential Guide to the Modern Man, by David Henne

Red Lobster Would Be Delighted to Assist with Your Marriage Proposal, by Bizzy Coy

I Didn’t Know That When I Taught This Town to Dance They’d Give Up on Their God, by Luke Strickler