Splitsider

 

Brian Posehn Readies His Toddler For The Apocalypse

As if weathering the End Times in 2012 as a three-year-old wasn't hard enough, imaging having Brian Posehn as your father at the same time. "He won't even be able to say Apocalypse," Posehn gleefully tells Conan about his toddler son. "He'll be like, 'Daddy the Acopopypse is here,' and I'll be like, 'That's adorable.' Woosh! Skeletons." Other parenting tip Brian is doling out: tricking your child into knowing only the Weird Al versions of songs, and punching them until they slip into to a relaxing three-week nap.

Samuel L. Jackson Persuades America's Children To "Go The Fuck To Sleep"

Samuel L. Jackson reading "Go The Fuck To Sleep" by Adam Mansbach (currently available for free download) might not actually put your child to sleep, but it will probably help soothe the last sparking neuron powering your brain at 3:00am, when your kid insists on giving you a a full, fictional history of what the dog did today. I'm just assuming that this would be helpful; I don't have kids, so I sleep like a baby every night. Not your loud baby. Some other, better baby.