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Posts tagged as alex pearson

Upcoming Obstacle Races, by Alex Pearson

Mark your calendars, runners. Don’t miss out on the newest, most challenging, and inventive races yet.

The Urban Obstacler: Running eight miles is hard enough, but now throw in simulated real-life automobile traffic, startled pedestrians, furious outdoor vendors, unfazed homeless people, and a completely unmarked course. And while we don’t have actors dressed up as zombies chasing you, watch out for our very convincing police officers trying to stop you to ask about permits. Just remember, no matter what happens, don’t give them any information about to whom you paid your entry fee. That is automatic disqualification!

The Quicksand Scamper: 200 of the area’s most adventurous runners; 10 kilometers of [...]

Don't Even Think About It, by Alex Pearson

Don’t even think about it. I would not sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth.

Don’t even think about it. While I would feign interest in sleeping with you if we were two of the exactly last three people on Earth, that is just a tactic to sleep with the other last person on Earth and nothing more.

Now, if you and I were two of the last four or more people on Earth, I would not even feign interest in sleeping with you, because in those circumstances, I could feign interest in sleeping with one of the other people as a tactic of [...]

Tips For Fighting Global Warming, by Alex Pearson

It’s summer—one of the top two seasons for climate change discussion. Have the blistering heat waves of recent summers been created by man-made global warming? Or have the extreme summer temperatures just been Mother Nature paying off her overdue ice age temperature debt? Well, whatever it is, it is man-made global warming. So what can you as one eco-conscious Asian-American mother of two (just guessing) do to help fight it? Here are some simple tips:

Avoid smokestacks and children playing in fountains. As anyone who keeps up with the evening news can tell you, fuming smokestacks and children playing in fountains are the first signs that an area is having global [...]

Conjoined Twins, by Alex Pearson

People are generally fascinated by the concept of conjoined twins, yet rarely do any of these people actually ever know any conjoined twins personally. I, on the other hand, actually do know conjoined twins, and while I am fascinated with them as individuals, the general concept of conjoined twins bores me. So yes, I know two conjoined twins, but no, they are not the only thing I ever want to talk about. You might ask how I came to know a pair of conjoined twins, and while I would prefer to talk about something more interesting, I would have to answer by correcting you: I never said I know a pair of conjoined [...]

My Zombies, by Alex Pearson

There is one thing I should make clear about my zombie movie: My zombies are different.

My zombies do not stagger around at a snail’s pace. My zombies do not run around like Olympic-caliber sprinters either. My zombies won’t even bother challenging the International Olympic Committee’s decision to bar zombies from competition because my zombies know they wouldn’t qualify anyway. My zombies are realists whose interests are better served by focusing on more pressing issues in their communities. My zombies move around by skipping, but in a threatening way. And yes, my zombies can swim, but no, not the butterfly.

My zombies are not constantly groaning incomprehensibly. My zombies [...]