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Posts tagged as alex pearson

The Humor Section

My Zombies, by Alex Pearson

by | April 15th, 2013

There is one thing I should make clear about my zombie movie: My zombies are different.

My zombies do not stagger around at a snail’s pace. My zombies do not run around like Olympic-caliber sprinters either. My zombies won’t even bother challenging the International Olympic Committee’s decision to bar zombies from competition because my zombies know they wouldn’t qualify anyway. My zombies are realists whose interests are better served by focusing on more pressing issues in their communities. My zombies move around by skipping, but in a threatening way. And yes, my zombies can swim, but no, not the butterfly.

My zombies are not constantly groaning incomprehensibly. My zombies [...]

The Humor Section

Don't Even Think About It, by Alex Pearson

by | November 26th, 2012

Don’t even think about it. I would not sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth.

Don’t even think about it. While I would feign interest in sleeping with you if we were two of the exactly last three people on Earth, that is just a tactic to sleep with the other last person on Earth and nothing more.

Now, if you and I were two of the last four or more people on Earth, I would not even feign interest in sleeping with you, because in those circumstances, I could feign interest in sleeping with one of the other people as a tactic of [...]

The Humor Section

Conjoined Twins, by Alex Pearson

by | August 13th, 2012

People are generally fascinated by the concept of conjoined twins, yet rarely do any of these people actually ever know any conjoined twins personally. I, on the other hand, actually do know conjoined twins, and while I am fascinated with them as individuals, the general concept of conjoined twins bores me. So yes, I know two conjoined twins, but no, they are not the only thing I ever want to talk about. You might ask how I came to know a pair of conjoined twins, and while I would prefer to talk about something more interesting, I would have to answer by correcting you: I never said I know a pair of conjoined [...]

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