"I was talking to Chris Rock the other day about taking the Letterman job. I was trying to convince him to take it. He says, 'Absolutely no possible way.' Both of us are out when you hear 'makeup everyday.' You hear that and I'm out."
-Jerry Seinfeld in an interview with Esquire on why he doesn't consider being a celebrity a burden, the new season of Comedians in Cars, and why he wanted Chris Rock to take over CBS's Late Show.
"I love Mel Brooks. And I've had wonderful times working with him. But I don't see any similarities between Mel and myself except, you know, we're both short Jews. That's where it ends. His style of humor is completely different. But Bob Hope? I'm practically a plagiarist."
- Woody Allen to Esquire in a great piece for their "What I Learned" series that also sees him discussing his dinner with Ingmar Bergman ("like a house painter sitting down with Picasso"), why he doesn't read any reviews, and the time a cabdriver taught him to shave as a kid.