"There's a portal to a shadow planet in my right hand, the size of a deck of cards, and I can't keep myself from peeling off one card after another, looking for a rare ace of sensation."
-Patton Oswalt in an insightful Facebook post explaining why he's taking a three-month break from social media to go do other stuff.
Logging onto Facebook this week is like stepping onto a minefield, but instead of mines, this minefield is full of self-satisfied "I Voted" posts and lots of name-calling and yelling. That's why we're lucky to have The Onion News Network's advice for circumventing the inanity of the internet this week. It's best to just avoid your computer and all electricity altogether this election gets sorted, whether it be tonight or tomorrow or several weeks from now, which would be the worst case scenario for your Facebook news feed and would probably see people deactivating their Facebook accounts in droves.
Andy Samberg dons the Mark Zuckerberg North Face to introduce a couple new features at the Facebook F8 conference, like the "I'm Not Really Friends With These People" grouping. It's perfect for people like your best friend from kindergarten who now organizes anti-gay marriage rallies, because you really don't want to be associated with her but you also feel bad about denying all those great times you had in K-garten writing Goosebumps tribute novels at her house even though you were secretly terrified of Goosebumps. Not that that's a real situation I'm in with my Facebook account. Boy, it's hard to be a modern person, huh? Anyway, Samberg is [...]
Longtime SNL cast member Tim Meadows was less than pleased to find out the show did a “Bill Brasky” reunion sketch without him this weekend, so he took to Facebook to air some grievances. After posting “They did Brasky without me…” on Saturday night, Meadows went on to make several comments about getting repeatedly snubbed by SNL including “Sorry The Ladies Man bombed…if it would have done better they wouldn’t treat me like a red headed step child” and later, “I will never watch SNL again” and “Fuck them.” Several former SNL players also chimed in on Meadows’ Facebook page including Beth Cahill (“I kinda knew they were [...]
This week on The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show, Jeff talks to former Facebook lead designer Ben Blumenfeld about what it's like to build a product that's used by over a billion people. Ben talks about how you make changes to something as big as Facebook, what it was like when the IPO came around, and what he's up to that he's left the company.
Still not sold? Geez, alright. You guys are tough, but I think I have just the thing. Here are some quotes from the episode:
Today, The Onion as a wonderful piece of satire about Planned Parenthood's new $8 billion Abortionplex, which promises to make abortions easy, breezy and fun. It essentially takes pro-life hysteria to an insane extreme, and the result is some sort of right-wing fever dream. Unfortunately, it was a little too subtle for some people on Facebook.
Comedian Patton Oswalt wrote a moving Facebook post yesterday following the senseless act of terrorism that occurred in Boston, managing to glean a positive message from the tragedy. Here's Oswalt's post in its entirety:
Boston. Fucking horrible.
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."
But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction [...]
"Why r ppl not RT this surely they cannot be that stupid!" writes Michael Robinson on Twitter, in response to this video about the CIA using Facebook via their "Overlord" Mark Zuckerberg. But they can be that stupid, Michael. They can. As evidenced by the fact that tons of people are flipping out over the video even though it's an Onion story from last March. C'mon, humans. We're better than this.
Mark Zuckerberg is apparently not too psyched about how he's portrayed in The Social Network, so naturally he went and made a competing film that tells his side of the story.
