I am here to announce my application for the position of line cook at this McDonald’s location. You don’t know me, so let me take a moment to introduce myself. There are a few things that set me apart from the other candidates hovering in the lobby and sipping complimentary fountain drinks.
First and foremost, I am a fast food outsider. I did not graduate from McDonald’s University. I have never set foot in one of these places, or any fast food restaurant for that matter. What that means is, I won’t just come in here and accept business-as-usual. I will ask questions. Why do we need to empty [...]
Today, we are making Red Velvet Cupcakes with Creamy Vanilla Icing. This old family recipe was brought to America by my great-grammy Eleanor, who probably wouldn’t understand why you are still moping about Jeremy.
• 3 1/2 cups cake flour
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
• 1 laptop computer, for playing Pandora and refreshing his Facebook profile
• 6 tablespoons red food coloring
• 1 healthy sense of self-restraint (If self-restraint isn’t available, substitute deleting his number from your phone)
• 2 eggs (for cupcakes)
• 2 more eggs (for pondering how only the thinnest of shells protect our yolky, runny insides)
Toofer suggests salad. People are like "How about pizza?" "How about BBQ?" And Toofer is all like, "How about a nice light salad?" Shut up Toofer. Go back to Harvard with your dumb smart friends who call things "brain food." [Via]
In what is one of the most brilliantly selfish column hooks ever, TV producer and Grantland writer Daniel Kellison's new recurring feature is called "Dinner with Daniel," and it centers on him going out to dinner with a celebrity and then "we drink as much good wine as we can, talk about food and life, and see where the conversation takes us." Sounds like fun! His first dining partner: Aziz Ansari (whose love of food is well documented).
It's a fun if rambling conversation, but I guess that's the point. There are fun anecdotes about Aziz's celebrity buddies Jay-Z, Kanye and LeBron James, and much less fun [...]
"11 p.m.: I sip a mug of kratom tea, which is a legal vitamin that makes music sound better to people. It also makes you very hungry. Under its influence, I wolf an enormous turkey sandwich while listening to Brain Salad Surgery and become one with the glittering cosmos. My mouth glistens with a galaxy of mayonnaise. Turkey is … a dinosaur, I think, disoriented, and fall asleep dreaming of myself flying a pturkeydactyl so close to the sun that it becomes perfectly roasted and embraces me with a pair of enormous brown drumsticks. Food is truly a miracle."
Standup Kyle Kinane got into a Twitter war with the account for salsa company Pace Foods over the weekend, and it looks like he won.
After finding that Pace Salsa had favorited a 10-month old tweet of his insulting their product and responded to it with "GRAB THE SOUTHWEST BY THE BOTTLE," Kinane found that Pace's account is set up to automatically fav and have that response to any tweet that mentions their product. Kinane then proceeded to get Pace Salsa to automatically endorse a series of wildly offensive tweets about their product, causing the company to issue an apology over Twitter and beg him to delete the tweets [...]
Mike O'Brien wrote a diary of his dubious eating habits for Grubstreet. In it he eats 20, ok, 80 M&Ms and habitually has Pret (a Manger) meatball wraps before going in to record his upcoming comedy album. We get this type of insight: "For dinner I ordered Alpha Sushi because they slid their menu under my door a few months ago. I hate when they do that because I see it as a form of trespassing. And because it always works on me 100 percent of the time." You hear that menu sliders? You have your next target.
Last night's Daily Show saw a special report from Samantha Bee on the most pressing, dramatic theater of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict: the Park Slope Food Co-op. Her journalism breaks new ground, but the fight rages on, powered by the deadly weapons of hummus and intensely raised eyebrows. Watch it with pita chips.
A+E's lifestyle network Bio is relaunching under the name FYI, and standup Max Silvestri will be one of the revamped channel's new faces. According to THR, Silvestri has joined Top Chef's Gail Simmons and The Taste's Marcus Samuelsson as hosts of FYI's new series called The Feed, a "food comedy road show" that will help inject more humor into the world of food and cooking shows.
"It's time for lifestyle to show that is can have a sense of humor," A+E president Jana Bennett said. "There's a lot of comedy in life, and yet the old-fashioned instructional lifestyles shows didn't leave a lot of room for humor." [...]
Ice cream purveyor Ben & Jerry's has added a new flavor inspired by Will Ferrell's Anchorman character Ron Burgundy. Called "Ron Burgundy's Scotchy Scotch Scotch," it's butterscotch ice cream with butterscotch swirls. The limited-edition flavor is in stores now, and Ron Burgundy will return to the screen for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues on December 20th. This is just the latest comedy-inspired flavor from Ben & Jerry's, following in the footsteps of "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream," "Late Night Snack" (which features Jimmy Fallon on the carton), "Schweddy Balls" (inspired by the Alec Baldwin SNL sketch), and most recently, "Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt."
Foodie Aziz Ansari appeared on PBS's new series Mind of a Chef, visiting a Montreal bologna sandwich eatery with a team of restaurateurs. While there, he gets mistaken for Indian-Canadian comedian Sugar Sammy and then tries to impersonate him for as long as he can. Unfortunately, the lady who runs the restaurant blows his ruse, but here's hoping this isn't the last time Aziz Ansari tries to pass as Sugar Sammy. Aziz's episode of Mind of a Chef airs tonight on PBS. Sugar Sammy fans, please note that Sugar Sammy does not actually appear in the episode.
Guess how long Lewis Black has been doing "Back in Black" on the Daily Show? Do you have your guess? The answer is 16 years. Right!? Yet somehow his face hasn't exploded and he still has a cabinet packed with axes to grind. Speaking [...]
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