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Posts tagged as food

An Excerpt From ‘FUDS: A Complete Encyclofoodia’

FUDS began in 2012 as a parody menu satirizing the foodie scene, food blogs, and, mostly, pretentious food words. (The menu includes “thick crust stringer chunks,” “crab dorks,” and “sea sucklers towered over a seaweed sleeping bag and calmed with a menthol pillow.”)  Named by GQ as one of its “100 Funniest Things in the History of the Internet," the work of "Alfredo and Antonio Mizretto" has expanded to a whole book, FUDS: A Complete Encyclofoodia (From Tickling Shrimp to Not Dying in a Restaurant). Probably the most complete book ever written on cooking and eating not real food, the book, like the website, is actually written by Kelly Hudson (Thing [...]

A Politician Applies For a Job at McDonald's, by Ben Godar

I am here to announce my application for the position of line cook at this McDonald’s location. You don’t know me, so let me take a moment to introduce myself. There are a few things that set me apart from the other candidates hovering in the lobby and sipping complimentary fountain drinks.

First and foremost, I am a fast food outsider. I did not graduate from McDonald’s University. I have never set foot in one of these places, or any fast food restaurant for that matter. What that means is, I won’t just come in here and accept business-as-usual. I will ask questions. Why do we need to empty [...]

The Siren's Song Of Pie, by Sam Pasternack

Hey there, big boy. You look hungry.

Very hungry.

Don’t be troubled by my appearance. I know I may look like the white smoke that rises when a new Pope is chosen. But honey, I ain’t no saint.

I am the scent of pie. And we’re going to have some fun, aren’t we?

You seem nervous. Let me swirl around your body for a moment. Yeah, just like that. You can make some room for a sweet, delicious pie. I know you can.

Still ill at ease, aren’t you? Here, let me show you that we’re not so different, you and I. See? I can form a hand. A [...]

Fun Cupcake Recipe For Someone Who Just Recently Went Through A Breakup! by Ben Gauthier

Today, we are making Red Velvet Cupcakes with Creamy Vanilla Icing. This old family recipe was brought to America by my great-grammy Eleanor, who probably wouldn’t understand why you are still moping about Jeremy.

Ingredients:

• 3 1/2 cups cake flour

• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened

• 1 laptop computer, for playing Pandora and refreshing his Facebook profile

• 6 tablespoons red food coloring

• 1 healthy sense of self-restraint (If self-restraint isn’t available, substitute deleting his number from your phone)

• 2 eggs (for cupcakes)

• 2 more eggs (for pondering how only the thinnest of shells protect our yolky, runny insides)

• 2 additional eggs (for [...]

'TGS' Writers Use the Internet to Do Important Work

Toofer suggests salad. People are like "How about pizza?" "How about BBQ?" And Toofer is all like, "How about a nice light salad?" Shut up Toofer. Go back to Harvard with your dumb smart friends who call things "brain food." [Via]

The Bean Salad Recipe Book, by Jon Wolper

THREE-BEAN SALAD

Dee-licious! A classic. Buy some fresh green beans from the farmer’s market, grab some kidney and wax beans, add some vinegar, some oil, salt, onions, and you’re good to go!

 

FOUR-BEAN SALAD

Well, you’re ambitious. That’s fine, we can do four beans. Just take that recipe from above and root around through your pantry for some garbanzos. If you want to do a four-bean salad, you better have garbanzos. Soak them in the fridge overnight!

 

FIVE-BEAN SALAD

Now we’re really leaving our comfort zone. All right, we can do this. Deep breath. How about kidney beans? Wait, we’ve used those. Maybe try black beans? I mean, [...]

Patricia Lockwood Writes About Perfectly Roasted Pturkeydactyls for 'Grub Street'

"11 p.m.: I sip a mug of kratom tea, which is a legal vitamin that makes music sound better to people. It also makes you very hungry. Under its influence, I wolf an enormous turkey sandwich while listening to Brain Salad Surgery and become one with the glittering cosmos. My mouth glistens with a galaxy of mayonnaise. Turkey is … a dinosaur, I think, disoriented, and fall asleep dreaming of myself flying a pturkeydactyl so close to the sun that it becomes perfectly roasted and embraces me with a pair of enormous brown drumsticks. Food is truly a miracle."

Poet and author Patricia Lockwood chronicles five days of [...]

Kyle Kinane Got Pace Salsa to Suspend Their Twitter Account (UPDATE)

Standup Kyle Kinane got into a Twitter war with the account for salsa company Pace Foods over the weekend, and it looks like he won.

After finding that Pace Salsa had favorited a 10-month old tweet of his insulting their product and responded to it with "GRAB THE SOUTHWEST BY THE BOTTLE," Kinane found that Pace's account is set up to automatically fav and have that response to any tweet that mentions their product. Kinane then proceeded to get Pace Salsa to automatically endorse a series of wildly offensive tweets about their product, causing the company to issue an apology over Twitter and beg him to delete the tweets [...]

Jim Gaffigan Does New Food Material on 'Fallon'

Here's Jim Gaffigan on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Friday, discussing his favorite topic: food. If you've ever wondered what Gaffigan's take on apples is, here it is and it's super funny.

Mike O'Brien Is Recording a Meatball Wrap-Fueled Comedy Album

Mike O'Brien wrote a diary of his dubious eating habits for Grubstreet. In it he eats 20, ok, 80 M&Ms and habitually has Pret (a Manger) meatball wraps before going in to record his upcoming comedy album. We get this type of insight: "For dinner I ordered Alpha Sushi because they slid their menu under my door a few months ago. I hate when they do that because I see it as a form of trespassing. And because it always works on me 100 percent of the time." You hear that menu sliders? You have your next target.

The Original Paleo Diet, by Keith Wisniewski

Zogg thank you all for coming to Zogg’s cave. Zogg has some big news to share. Sure, Zogg may not have come up with idea for fire, but Zogg have pretty good idea to stay trim and healthy. Zogg call it the Paleo Diet.Zogg know this works, because Zogg used to be what you call “big boned,” but is now in shape. Zogg even have “six pack” and is getting all the ladies in the Eurasian subcontinent, thanks to this diet. And you can, too. It’s so simple, even a Neanderthal could follow it.

Step one: Eat meat.There, Zogg teach you everything about Paleo Diet!

Zogg kidding, of course. Zogg [...]

Max Silvestri Is Co-Hosting a Comedic Cooking Show for the FYI Network

A+E's lifestyle network Bio is relaunching under the name FYI, and standup Max Silvestri will be one of the revamped channel's new faces. According to THR, Silvestri has joined Top Chef's Gail Simmons and The Taste's Marcus Samuelsson as hosts of FYI's new series called The Feed, a "food comedy road show" that will help inject more humor into the world of food and cooking shows.

"It's time for lifestyle to show that is can have a sense of humor," A+E president Jana Bennett said. "There's a lot of comedy in life, and yet the old-fashioned instructional lifestyles shows didn't leave a lot of room for humor." [...]

Ben & Jerry's Adds a Ron Burgundy Flavor

Ice cream purveyor Ben & Jerry's has added a new flavor inspired by Will Ferrell's Anchorman character Ron Burgundy. Called "Ron Burgundy's Scotchy Scotch Scotch," it's butterscotch ice cream with butterscotch swirls. The limited-edition flavor is in stores now, and Ron Burgundy will return to the screen for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues on December 20th. This is just the latest comedy-inspired flavor from Ben & Jerry's, following in the footsteps of "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream," "Late Night Snack" (which features Jimmy Fallon on the carton), "Schweddy Balls" (inspired by the Alec Baldwin SNL sketch), and most recently, "Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt."

Aziz Ansari Eats Bologna and Impersonates Comedian Sugar Sammy on PBS

Foodie Aziz Ansari appeared on PBS's new series Mind of a Chef, visiting a Montreal bologna sandwich eatery with a team of restaurateurs. While there, he gets mistaken for Indian-Canadian comedian Sugar Sammy and then tries to impersonate him for as long as he can. Unfortunately, the lady who runs the restaurant blows his ruse, but here's hoping this isn't the last time Aziz Ansari tries to pass as Sugar Sammy. Aziz's episode of Mind of a Chef airs tonight on PBS. Sugar Sammy fans, please note that Sugar Sammy does not actually appear in the episode.