Living in this modern age is pretty great. For crying out loud, just look at all the wondrous technology that exists all around us. You can chat with your sister in Vermont while jetting off to Hong Kong at 500 miles per hour. We've got these marvelous little smartphones in our pockets that let us access a pool of knowledge too vast for any one person to consume in a lifetime. Heck, even as I write this, we've got little man-made robots roaming around on the surface of Mars. Mars, for pete's sake!
So don't for an instant think I'm not grateful to be living in the year 2013. [...]
• History is a construct, an invention of scholars really, so here I’d put instead of history: events in the so-called past.
• I think it’s fairly certain that primitive people were scared of the sun. You can go ahead and state this boldly.
• By the way, are you dating Jennifer, from class? Remember that the emergence of monogamy was a medieval legal convenience.
• This passage seems to have been written by a smarter person. This is not intended as criticism.
• This reminds me of the mapping of 17th-century Tokyo.
This November, when you go to the polls, vote Derek Ferguson for Boyfriend. Derek is a young man who…
Knows the local IPAs.
Agrees that big weddings are outdated.
Always has cutting-edge facial hair.
Will go to brunch with you and all your friends…even when he’s super hungover.
Owns and often uses a typewriter…to write actual letters.
Reads all the right pop-culture blogs…but not before you do.
It always happens the same way. I'm minding my business when, suddenly, a shout: "Look! It's Tim Roth!!!"
No. For once and for all, no. I am not Tim Roth. I am Senator Mitch McConnell.
I guess Tim Roth and I share a passing resemblance. People say we look alike. But it's starting to get old. Every day it's, "I loved you in Reservoir Dogs!" or, "Boy did you deserve that Best Supporting Actor nomination for Rob Roy!" or, "Dude, you're the British Guy in Pulp Fiction! Honey Bunny Guy!" I'm not. I'm United States Senate Minority Leader Guy. I'm Relentlessly Filibuster Executive and Judicial Appointments Guy.
Even as someone who isn't Tim Roth's [...]
And how’re brass knuckles out but live-tweeting’s in?
Sharing 140 strategic characters with your preppie chums, in real time? Posting Vines on how to properly full nelson unsuspecting Greasers? Sounds plenty weaponized to me.
Naturally our gang ain’t savvy on Socs media.
Now if MySpace blogging were still permitted, we’d be aces. Ain’t a crew around can beat a Grease blogging. Give us a pack of Lucky Strikes and we’d knock off 200 pages about tough Stingray cruisers and gold n' silver sunsets, no sweat.
Wasn’t long ago you could blog, swing bicycle chains and wield busted pop bottles—all in open-toed shoes. And if your beef was with a [...]