Dear Daniel S. Clavers,
We wanted to alert you to some rather large purchases recently charged to your account:
• $400.00 Fine Young Cannibals Biopic Kickstarter
• $500.00 Roland Gift Life-size Mannequin
If you do not recognize these purchases, please contact us immediately at 555-1155.
If this is a joke, then yes, we find it funny.
But seriously, let us know.
Sincerely, Titan Neighborhood Bank
Dear Daniel S. Clavers,
Thank you for responding so speedily to our email. We now understand that these purchases were of your own volition and we respect your decisions. We did not mean to insult you or "spoil the surprise" for the members [...]
Dee-licious! A classic. Buy some fresh green beans from the farmer’s market, grab some kidney and wax beans, add some vinegar, some oil, salt, onions, and you’re good to go!
Well, you’re ambitious. That’s fine, we can do four beans. Just take that recipe from above and root around through your pantry for some garbanzos. If you want to do a four-bean salad, you better have garbanzos. Soak them in the fridge overnight!
Now we’re really leaving our comfort zone. All right, we can do this. Deep breath. How about kidney beans? Wait, we’ve used those. Maybe try black beans? I mean, [...]
Terry is not the author, nor is he a reference to the author.
Terry is not any one of the author’s friends, a person who considers themselves a friend of the author, lost love, personal trainer, or you, Greg, so stop asking.
Terry’s name is not to be broken apart to find a hidden message, as the word “Retry” has no relation to the author other than his failed Candy Crush level.
Terry’s name is not an acronym or initialism, although both he and the author know the difference, and will bring it up in conversation.
Terry is 27 years old, which is too young to be a reminder of lost [...]
Alright guys, team meeting. Let's make this quick, 'cause we've got some fucking strobe lights to sell.
Listen, I can't be here to manage this Spencer's Gifts all the time, and I need you guys to be able to run things on your own when I'm not around. Quite frankly, this staff ain't up to par right now. Most of you come in late and leave early. Maybe you think I'm not able to see you coming and going when the fog machine is running inside the store, but I've been working in this store for four years and I can basically see right through the fog now.
Thanks for coming to the unveiling of the new Pepperton family coat of arms, the updated representation of our clan’s history and values. I have personally designed it to both carry on the ancient tradition of our name and account for our place in the modern world.
Back in the old country, heraldic devices helped us promote our family’s brand. The area peasants needed to be able to easily tell who was winning the jousts or commandeering their stocks of grain. Now we can use it for things like family reunion T-shirts, or as a logo for Pepperton Appliances, once a regional retail giant, now a front for Uncle [...]