"If I had the balls to do standup, I would probably start at a free club somewhere and just fall on my face. You have to fall on your face so many times in order for that to work."
- James Van Der Beek an an interview with THR about how he's been doing more comedy lately via sitcom work on Don't Trust the B—- and Friends with Better Lives and wants to do more.
I'm not saying soldiers and cops shouldn't be called heroes but I think the term should be redefined to include men who are able to read plugs in the face of a looming fire. Two things can be learned from this: 1) Conan is a pro, and 2) Talking about his butt causes studios to burst into flames. Little did the kids how close they were in high school when they called him "Fire Crotch." If they only said "Fire Butt," they would've been in the right.