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Posts tagged as jokes

Billy Crystal Previews His Brand-New Oscar Jokes

"Guys, would you mind taking a listen to some of my new Oscar material? Feeling a little nervous about it. I mean, I know I've done this more times than anyone but Bob Hope, but you never can be too prepared, right? Okay, how about, uh: I've been getting ready for the Oscars and my White Swan is ready, but my Black Swan's another story! Uh, I'm so nervous I feel like I'm about to give The King's Speech! …Was that not this year? I really haven't been to the movies in a while." – Billy Crystal

What Is "Too Soon"?

Casey Anthony is fun to hate. She’s a relatively attractive woman. She’s a compulsive liar. She leads the kind of small town party life that is somehow both hokey and titillating. She probably killed her daughter. Fun to hate.

So when the “Not Guilty” verdict came down on her trial, Twitter was aglow with jokes and jokes and spaghetti. I wrote a bunch myself. Although I wasn’t really following the trial — which, let’s face it, is literally every person’s response when discussing it — Casey Anthony was easy to hate. And from my whole total five minutes of reading headlines about the circus, I guess she seemed kind [...]

Now Computers Are Writing Lousy Jokes Like They Work For Jay Leno Or Something

Christmas crackers—traditional British holiday mini-pinatas that, when pulled apart, frequently contain tiny, crappy toys and a terrible joke (older American readers might recall the Dixie cups of their youth for comparative purposes)—just got a little easier to make… THANKS TO THE MACHINES.

A Guy Selling Jokes in Central Park for $1 Each Makes More Money Than Most Aspiring Comedy Writers

This is either inspiring or discouraging, depending on how you feel about selling the type of jokes you'd find in joke books you bought from the book fair in 2nd grade: Jason Schneider is selling $1 jokes in Central Park and seems to be making a decent amount of money doing it. On his first day, he made $140 in six hours, and presumably makes more now. As for his jokes? Well, I'll let you judge them for yourself:

How To Write Jokes For People Who Don't Want To Be Funny

A lot of comedians complain about being asked to “say something funny.” Comedians take “say something funny” as a threat. It’s sort of the same response a scientist has when someone demands, “Prove to me right now that evolution is a thing!” Even if the scientist makes a convincing case, the denier is probably going to nod and say, “Yeah. Worms in a lab. Thought so. Deborah could be doing much better than you.”

But there are comedy challenges worse than “say something funny.” For example, “help me say something funny.”

Not to be mistaken with its entertainment industry cousin, “I'll pay you to make me funny,” “help [...]

Enjoy The Best Joke Of The Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Okay, so what do you think about Edinburgh Fringe Festival's funniest joke? Submitted by comedian Nick Helm, the public voted "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" to be the most knee-slappingest. Comedian Paul Daniels won the prize for the year's worst with his joke "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'," which is probably actually a lot funnier not knowing what the hell he's taking about.

World's Oldest Jokes Depressingly Bad

The Independent, in pursuit of the sad feelings British people will get when they read aloud the jokes from their Christmas crackers this Saturday, decided to educate us on the oldest jokes in the world, despite and/or because of the fact that they are so dreadfully bad. "Most old jokes, particularly ancient jokes, aren't that funny," says Paul McDonald, FYI, and this turns out to be very true! Here are a few:

Question: What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

Answer: A key.

LOL I thought it was going to be something else.