An alluring human called "Project 9" healthily salivated at the very thought of intercourse, presumably with another of the same species. In order to attract a mate, P9 had to first cease its habit of constantly shaking in fear and screaming, “Please, let me go, I have a family!” while curled up in a fetal position. To facilitate this, the amorous biped poured seven fingers of scotch into a consumption beaker and accordingly “began to chillax.”
Another nearly hairless Homo sapien, "Experiment 4," saucily sauntered into the room, clearly impressed by all the saliva in there. “My entire family just died,” E4 admitted tearfully between chomps of [...]
Judd Apatow just landed his first television series since Fox's Undeclared over ten years ago. Deadline reports that Netflix has given a rare two-season straight-to-series order to a new relationship comedy series from Apatow called Love. Starring Paul Rust (Comedy Bang! Bang!) and Gillian Jacobs, Love is co-created and written by Apatow, Rust, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine/Girls writer Lesley Arfin and co-executive produced by Brent Forrester (The Simpsons, The Office, Undeclared) and centers on "love gurus Gus (Rust) and Mickey (Jacobs) as they navigate the exhilaration and humiliations of intimacy, commitment, and other things they were hoping to avoid." The show — which was rumored to be in [...]
I wanted to show you that I’m serious about making more of an effort to be a better boyfriend, so I thought about it carefully and came up with some personal goals. I know we have been having problems lately, but I wholeheartedly believe that if I follow through with each one of these, I will become a better person. I want to be the kind of boyfriend that an amazing person like you deserves!
1. I will sign up for those cooking lessons we read about.
2. I will start running again.
3. I will get rid of at least 80% of the Tupac-related content on my computer. [...]
Alex Semmelmeyer is my future husband but since he’s the punter of the football team he’s too busy to know I exist! But that’s OK because here’s what I did today to make him realize I was born and one day he’s going to raise four babies with me:
• I stood outside his Bio class and when he walked out I talked really loudly about Peyton Manning so he would be interested and look in my direction.
• I stuffed notes in his locker that were anonymous but were in my really distinct poetic voice.
• I stood outside his Gov class and talked really loudly about Archie [...]