Splitsider

Man, Mark Twain was holding down the early 20th century comedy scene like a champion. After he was robbed in 1908, Twain wrote a notice for all future burglars and posted it on his front door. It includes all sorts of helpful advice for those interested in thievery:

There is nothing but plated ware in this house, now and henceforth. You will find it in that brass thing in the dining-room over in the corner by the basket of kittens. If you want the basket, put the kittens in the brass thing.

The notice stayed on his front door permanently. This Twain guy really brought the LOLs, huh? [...]

In his introduction to the 1883 American edition of English As She Is Spoke, Mark Twain wrote some of the most glowing praise he’s ever laid on any work, ever: "Whatsoever is perfect in its kind, in literature, is imperishable: nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect, it must and will stand alone: its immortality is secure. … One cannot open this book anywhere and not find richness."

Twain isn’t being entirely sarcastic. While his claim that, “this celebrated little phrase-book will never die while the English language lasts” might be slightly facetious, English As She Is Spoke is still a [...]