Splitsider

As the worldwide fascination with Nick Offerman's mustache rages, he finally responds. "Sadly, our country has become so emasculated that a national audience can be astonished by a man merely growing whiskers, as though I were growing diamonds on my face," Offerman said in this interview. Well, diamonds would be okay, don't get me wrong. I mean, they're just carbon atoms pushed together really hard. But this guy is growing HAIR on his FACE. Like, not just on the top of his head! Above his lip! It's like little toothbrush bristles are cleaning his mouth all the time! Like a tiny broom is sweeping his philtrum. A friendly [...]

So, this is what Marc Maron looks like clean-shaven. All right. He rid the 'stache and 'patch for his role as a corporate consultant in an indie movie he's been shooting in New York. It's called Wifed Out, and we hear it also stars Eve, Dustin Diamond, and a bunch of comedyfolk including Scott Rodgers, Sean Patton and Tim Curcio. Sounds worth shaving for. (Don't get used to it, though. Maron says he's likely going to revert back to "the face configuration I’ve settled on.")

Ron Swanson portrayer and general man of the mountain Nick Offerman has his own woodshop. And they made a limited run of mustache combs. Just a heads-up, there might be no more posts today because I need to go find some testosterone pills and grow a mustache as quickly as possible. Maybe this guy in that dark alley over there has something that will work. Let me go ask him. (If it doesn't work out, they also make what's either a coffin or a small coffin-shaped box in which you could store ashes. Send my loved ones this link.)