Posts tagged as presidential election

Roseanne for President: The First Hundred Days in Office

Finally going through with her promise/threat from August, Roseanne Barr has filed the paperwork to run for president and says on her Twitter that she doesn't expect to win, but hopes bring attention to the Green Party by running. If she did get elected, here's an incomplete list of what she'd likely focus on in her first 100 days in the Oval Office:

– invest in technology futures for nut manufacture – promote tax subsidies for menopausal women – hire a cabinet led by John Goodman, Laurie Metcalf, and Johnny Galecki – write searing, eye-opening essay about sexism on the political campaign trail [...]

Stephen Colbert Drank a Steaming Hot Cup of Morning Joe Today

Stephen Colbert visited Morning Joe today, or as he rechristened it, "Evening Joe brought to you by Jack Daniels." Up for discussion was last night's Republican debate, from which Stephen was conspicuously absent. He also talks about Herman Cain, coyly maintains that he's only exploring a presidential run, and most importantly reveals why the "t" in his last name is silent – all the while criticizing the "garbage" questions thrown at him by these so-called journalists. Navigating the media is a tightrope walk, but Colbert maneuvers it with the grace of a real Southern gentleman.

Colbert Super PAC Promises to Viciously Destroy All Negative Campaigns

Ain't no laws against hypocrisy. The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC has harnessed the power of the double negative to ferociously attack negative campaign ads with their own negative campaign ad. It's a homeopathic remedy, like putting out a fire by lighting another raging fire on top of it. Full press release below:

Colbert Can Run for President Now That Jon Stewart's Taken Over His Super PAC

Stephen Colbert had one problem stopping him from running for President in South Carolina: his gosh darned money-stuffed Super PAC. On last night's show, he transferred the power of the Colbert Super PAC to Jon Stewart, who promptly renamed it the Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. This freed up Colbert to make a historic announcement: he's forming an exploratory committee to lay the groundwork for his possible candidacy! Huzzah!

Read Jon Stewart's first letter to Super PAC members and the accompanying press release below.

Stephen Colbert Is Beating Jon Huntsman in South Carolina

According to a theoretical poll, 5% of South Carolina Republican primary voters would vote for Stephen Colbert. That's more than would vote for Jon Huntsman, who got 4%, and not that far behind Ron Paul (8%) and Rick Perry (7%). It may simply be gratitude for Colbert's offer to pay for the primary, but whatever the reason, there's a ridiculous political groundswell happening. It's not too late to throw your hat in the ring, Stephen. Colbert '12!

How Stephen Colbert Has Demolished a Supreme Court Decision Like Nothing Else Could

It's Colbert vs. the Supreme Court: the Court may have nine members, but Colbert has the self-assuredness of at least 20 people. This article outlines how Colbert "has probably done more to undermine public confidence in the court’s 2010 Citizens United opinion than anyone, including the dissenters." It's a good summation of the many opinions out there on what exactly his Super PAC is giving us: an entertaining performance? A frightening lesson? An ironic middle finger? It's also a good reminder to think about which members of the current Supreme Court would be toughest in a physical fight. (Without question, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Right?)

Colbert Announces "Rock Me Like a Herman Cain" Rally in South Carolina

The Super PAC Formerly Known as Colbert's has announced that Stephen Colbert and Herman Cain will hold a rally in South Carolina on Friday "in support of their non-candidacies." It is called "The Rock Me Like a Herman Cain: South Cain-olina Primary Rally." Also, they're finally admitting that they are in fact the same person, saying, "Together, these two unique voices will declare that they are the same man. Indeed, if you close your eyes and don’t listen, they are hard to tell apart." I KNEW IT. Full press release below.

Various Old Fogies Disapprove of Stephen Colbert's Presidential Explorations

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player After announcing the formation of an exploratory committee to look into his possible presidential candidacy, Stephen Colbert's been busy making the rounds on news shows. First, he paid a visit to George Stephanopoulos on This Week, which mostly just feels super weird without a studio audience laughing at Colbert's ridiculousness. George Stephanopoulos isn't laughing, that's for sure. Because George Stephanopoulos is a serious journalist and George Stephanopoulos will have no part in these shenanigans! And Ted Koppel seems to feel similarly on Rock Center (below).

How can these guys not find this at all funny? I mean, when asked [...]

The New Daily Show Correspondent Receives a Rough Welcome

"Welcome, Jessica Williams! We're so happy to have you on board as a correspondent. Here's your desk, but before you grab coffee, we're just gonna drive you out to an abandoned strip of road in Charleston, South Carolina, where you'll struggle to stand on two feet under a nuclear-looking grey sky full of bent power wires. You'll be directly in the path of a terrifyingly negative political campaign, so you can really get your hands on a good scoop. It'll be so funny. Okay, pick you up in 5 hours!" – Jon Stewart

Your New Favorite Republican Debate (So Far, Anyway) Is Online

You can watch the entire Yahoo! Funny or Die GOP Presidential Internet World Wide Web Online AOL Cyberworld Computerpod Wireless Network Live Stream Debate right here. Someone needs to give Patrick Warburton's Rick Perry a snuggle, the poor thing.

Cain/Colbert Received a Paltry 1% of the South Carolina Primary Vote

So much for the two-headed Colbert-Cain super-candidate hydra. Despite a crowd at their joint rally that qualified as the biggest crowd yet of the 2012 campaign, only 6,324 out of about 600,000 voters threw their support behind Cain in the South Carolina Primary — and it's uncertain how many of those people meant to symbolically support Colbert and how many just like pizza and creepy, slow-burning smiles. Does this mean Colbert's exploratory committee has met its end? Will he seize back the power of his Super PAC from Jon Stewart's cold, cash-filled hands? Or will he somehow interpret the minuscule number of voters as a sign [...]

Herman Cain Has Joined Forces and Possibly Identities With Stephen Colbert

Herman Cain will tape a segment with Stephen Colbert in South Carolina on Friday, having enjoyed Colbert's Super PAC's recent endorsement. Even though Cain's out of the race, his name is still on the ballot in South Carolina, and Colbert has said that “Anybody who shares my values can show it by voting for Herman Cain.” To sum up: Cain is not running but is on the ballot, Colbert wants to run but isn't eligible to be on the ballot, Colbert pretended to be Cain in an ad, voting for Cain means you're really voting for Colbert, and Cain's going to be on Colbert's show. What is [...]

Welcome Back, Incredibly Creepy Herman Cain Smile

The Seriously, We 100% Absolutely Aren't Coordinating With Stephen, We Promise Super PAC has a new ad, and it brings back all kinds of poignant memories from those halcyon days when Herman Cain was still in the race. Most notably, his terrifying ad-closing smile. It looked like he wanted to make a pizza and sprinkle us on top as the delicious topping. And then eat us.

Here's the accompanying press release:

Is Stephen Colbert About to Announce His Bid for the Presidency?

Oh, it is so ON. After the news broke that he beat Jon Huntsman in a hypothetical South Carolina poll, Stephen Colbert is promising a "major announcement" on his show tonight. Now, I'm not saying he's going to run for president because I told him to, but isn't he? You're welcome, America. And yes, Stephen, I would consider a job as your campaign manager.