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Posts tagged as relationships

Letter to My Husband as He Tries to French Kiss Me, by Devorah Blachor

Dear Sweetheart,

Gosh, it’s been a long day, hasn’t it? I’m beat. If I closed my eyes right now, I’d fall into Stage 4 sleep and stay there until someone shook me so violently that I’d wake up and say something crazy in a panic-stricken voice like, “Where are the elbow pipettes?”

Let me say that it’s so great to know that you’re still attracted to me. It makes all the hours we spend guessing which of our couple friends still have good sex even more entertaining. Remember when we started dating and you used to spontaneously massage the arches of my feet because you claimed you enjoyed it? [...]

Fun Cupcake Recipe For Someone Who Just Recently Went Through A Breakup! by Ben Gauthier

Today, we are making Red Velvet Cupcakes with Creamy Vanilla Icing. This old family recipe was brought to America by my great-grammy Eleanor, who probably wouldn’t understand why you are still moping about Jeremy.

Ingredients:

• 3 1/2 cups cake flour

• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened

• 1 laptop computer, for playing Pandora and refreshing his Facebook profile

• 6 tablespoons red food coloring

• 1 healthy sense of self-restraint (If self-restraint isn’t available, substitute deleting his number from your phone)

• 2 eggs (for cupcakes)

• 2 more eggs (for pondering how only the thinnest of shells protect our yolky, runny insides)

• 2 additional eggs (for [...]

Partners in Love and Comedy Writing

For nearly five years, despite the pleas of common sense, I've engaged in a steamy office romance. But it's not what you think. There aren't any break room rendezvous or synchronized trips to the water cooler. No, our workplace is our Jersey City apartment.

You see, my girlfriend and I aren't cubicle mates. We're writing partners. And although it defies logic and peace of mind, we actively choose to work together.

Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon Share the Fascinating Story Behind Their Marriage

Cosmo has a great interview with comedy couple Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon in which they detail the super interesting and intense story behind their marriage, which involved three weddings, keeping their marriage a secret early on, and a near-tragic coma.

A Funny Thing #18: Step Five: UNKNOWN with Laura Willcox

Scoliosis! Flat chests! The unknowable, occult mysteries of the nefariously inscrutable STEP NUMBER FIVE! What obstacles won’t the universe set before our intrepid heroine on her journey to womanhood? You’ll have to listen to find out as Laura Willcox, Long Island geisha, forces the groping hand of her very own coming-of-age!

Listen in your browser here!

Subscribe in iTunes here!

The wonderful Laura Willcox is an actress and comedian whom you can see in upcoming episodes of MTV’s Epic Fail and Fodder on the Cooking Channel. She performs with the UCB Harold team Bucky. Laura told this story at Shut Up! the excellent, all-lady storytelling show at the UCBeast Theater in New York's scenic [...]

Derek For Boyfriend, 2013: Test Slogans, by Grant Catton

This November, when you go to the polls, vote Derek Ferguson for Boyfriend. Derek is a young man who…

Knows the local IPAs.

Agrees that big weddings are outdated.

Always has cutting-edge facial hair.

Will go to brunch with you and all your friends…even when he’s super hungover.

Owns and often uses a typewriter…to write actual letters.

Reads all the right pop-culture blogs…but not before you do.

Self-Deprecating Humor Is Ruining Your Relationships

Bad news for fans of self-deprecating humor! You could be ruining your relationship, you selfish prick: "Across two studies of more than 400 people, investigators found self-defeating humour leads to partner embarrassment. A husband making fun of his recent weight-gain, for example, could embarrass his wife because she thinks their friends will assume she's failed to keep his health in check, or judge her because she chose to be with someone who'd let himself go, or because she thinks it tarnishes their image as a couple."