Splitsider

Posts tagged as ryan krebs

Quotes from Lori's Goodbye Card on Her Last Day at Paramount Diagnostics, by Ryan Krebs

“All the best!” – Mike, Sales

“Lori, you’ll be missed! Who am I going to high-five when the Molson Files are done every Wednesday??? HA!” – Linda, Billing

“Seems like just yesterday you sat down across from me at your cubicle, ready to start in the high-stakes world of Customer Service. Look at you now! Big time! Congrats on the promotion and don’t forget about us little people!” –Barb, Customer Service

“Way to go!” –Dennis, Maintenance

“Sad to see you go! (But not sad for the going away party! We love cake, and don’t you know it! Of course you do! Karen’s 45th birthday ring a bell??? )” – [...]

Landscaping, by Ryan Krebs

Alright, is everyone here? We're missing Bobby.

Hey, there he is. Sorry B, Didn't see you there. Hop on up in your dinner chair.

Ok, so I want to thank everyone for taking a few minutes out of your schedules for this promptly called family meeting. It won't take long, I promise.

First off, I just want to say how great you kids have been for the last month. Really great work around the house with your chores. I haven't had to spot-clean Scooter's messes in weeks. Samantha, you've been right on that, and I thank you. It's a real weight off my shoulders. You kids wanted a dog [...]

Ask a High School Couple, by Ryan Krebs and Caitlin Kunkel

Note from the Editor: It is with great regret that we were forced to lay off our 20-plus year advice columnist, Ann O’Grady, last week (sorry again, Annie). To keep operating costs at a minimum, we’ve opened up our advice section to my son and his girlfriend. They will work for free and it counts as an extracurricular at Truman High. So, please welcome juniors Matt Tearson and Rachel Winkle to The Daily Star! Let’s see what sage advice they have for our readers:

Dear Matt and Rachel,

Four months ago, my husband lost his job in Human Resources and our family is now trying to survive [...]

Got A Minute?, by Ryan Krebs

Hi, God. Bernie Turkingham. Duh, you know that. You got a minute? Great, thanks.

I'm gonna tell it like it is: I think you're doing a bang-up job. This world's what, a few hundred years old, and you're still running a tight ship … Millions? Wow, I was way off. Point is, you've got a great business model that's working for Earth, and I salute you for that.

And that's to say nothing of Heaven. I mean, this place, just, wow. This place is amazing. They weren't lying, everything's better up here. You have an entire TV channel dedicated to old “Head of the Class” episodes! I had Boston [...]