Posts tagged as spencer ham

Congratulations on Purchasing a Katana, by Spencer Ham

Your sword was personally forged by Akio Taguchi in the village of Tobishima. Enclosed you will find the certificate of authenticity. Now that you own a katana, there are certain traditions you must upkeep. Below is a list of the rules you are required to follow:

• You must have a ponytail. “But what if I’m balding in the front?” Especially if you’re balding in the front.

• You must display your katana on top of a leaning bookshelf located next to a glow-in-the-dark dragon poster.

• You must have a pre-approved katana-owner name. Please refer to the attached list of accepted names, which includes, but is not limited [...]

Announcing the Closing of A Part Thai’d Restaurant, by Spencer Ham

Effective June 4, A Part Thai’d Restaurant has closed its doors for good. We would like to thank our small contingent of customers, as it was an absolute pleasure to serve you our Thai/American fusion cuisine over the last five weeks. We regret this decision, but the bad press and unrelenting protests were just too much to endure.

To those that fiercely protested against us, we have addressed some of your wild accusations:

“You’re an abominable restaurant that advocates racism.” YIKES! This is absolutely 100% NOT true. For the record: we DO NOT support segregating race, just like we do not support segregating flavors. You would know [...]